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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex contacting me daily

22 replies

Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 17:31

My husband cheated on me in September and left for his new gf. Since then we have been sharing kids alternate weekends, weekdays at mine to keep their school routine the same. He does a video call during the week too.
The past few weeks he has messaged me every day asking for updates. I keep telling him everything is fine and I'll message if there's something he needs to know. I've asked him to keep questions, unless urgent, for when he picks them up. Everyday he is contacting. It's bringing me down. I dont have to speak to him everyday do I? He left me. I understand we share kids, and we have agreed on a schedule. But these daily texts are grinding me down! He threatened me by saying he'll take the kids for a week and not contact me, see what its like on the other foot. But I do tell him things from school and he talks to them on a Tuesday, sees them every Friday and alternate weekends.
Any advice?

OP posts:
trailblazer42 · 10/03/2025 17:41

How old are the kids? Can they be in direct contact with him so you don't have to be?

Original poster
Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 17:50

No, they are 7, 4 and 3. I helo them video call once a week. It's driving me insane this daily contact. It's controlling.

OP posts:
Chuchoter · 10/03/2025 17:51

Can you not pre emptied humans send one text ahead of him giving a brief rundown _

Kids had a good day at school, ate all their tea, no homework today so they're going to watch FILM NAME. Lucy is going to her friends house Gemma after school tomorrow. Billy wants to bake cookies before we watch the film.

^^^ that kind of thing.

Chuchoter · 10/03/2025 17:52

Pre empt him ^

Chuchoter · 10/03/2025 17:53

Your sending a text every day will soon have the girlfriend getting the hump as he probably hasn't told her that he messages you every day.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/03/2025 17:54

Suggest he has them from school 2 afternoons a week, then he'll know how they're doing.

RandomMess · 10/03/2025 17:56

Start using a court approved parenting app and tell him it's intrusive and if there is an issue when they are with you will tell him.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2025 18:00

RandomMess · 10/03/2025 17:56

Start using a court approved parenting app and tell him it's intrusive and if there is an issue when they are with you will tell him.

This, refuse to communicate in any other way op, he is being unreasonable and controlling, no court would say you have to have daily contact with him at all.

BagHunt · 10/03/2025 18:05

Can you just block him, unblock once per week whenever suits you, give him a very dry and factual update, then re block?

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 10/03/2025 18:10

Use a parenting app like PP suggested, tell him to parent his kids 50/50.
When he demands updates tell him to come and collect his kids and have them for 3.5 days.
His 'threat' to parent them for a week is beyond pathetic. Like, that's something he should be doing anyway.

Original poster
Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 18:12

He can have them after achool as hr works till 5 30.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/03/2025 18:13

I'd be so tempted to ring at the most inconvenient times I could think of.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 10/03/2025 18:15

Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 18:12

He can have them after achool as hr works till 5 30.

Well then he's not really going to follow through on his threat to take them for a week. He can't.

Original poster
Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 18:16

Unless he means in school hols, he's a college teacher. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Bboo3 · 10/03/2025 18:17

How does the parenting app stop the daily contact? Can he not just contact me on there daily?

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 10/03/2025 18:21

lock his chats and turn off notifications. Then you will have to go into the locked chats to see it. Only answer when it’s convenient for you and keep it very blunt nothing flowery. All kids are well. They will call you at x time on x day

Rhaidimiddim · 10/03/2025 18:47

Chuchoter · 10/03/2025 17:51

Can you not pre emptied humans send one text ahead of him giving a brief rundown _

Kids had a good day at school, ate all their tea, no homework today so they're going to watch FILM NAME. Lucy is going to her friends house Gemma after school tomorrow. Billy wants to bake cookies before we watch the film.

^^^ that kind of thing.

NOOOOOO!

Don't do this! If you start this, he will expect you to update him. Every day. By lunch time.

And if you don't, or if you forget to mention something he feels you should have, he will accuse you - and believe he is in the right - of not playing fair by him.

You are right to think it is controlling of him. And entitled, to think he still has the right to your time.

Tell him, in whatever terms and tone you think will get through to him, that this is not your responsibility. He left, and when he left, he left the kids as well as you.

He needs to get out of the mindset that he gets what he wants out of the shit situation he created.

AmplePinkBear · 26/03/2025 23:01

I am having this issue too. My ex texts me multiple texts all day: any excuse to contact me even when he is with the kids. He’s already been warned once by my solicitor about it being harassment but Hes still doing it. I try to ignore it best I can but the messages throw my days off. I would block him if we didn’t need to have contact for the kids.

sorry no helpful advice really but interested to hear there are coparenting apps.

BellissimoGecko · 27/03/2025 07:42

‘It was your decision to leave me. You also left the kids. This is one of the consequences. I will let you know if one if the kids has an accident or there is an emergency, but I will not reply to messages each day, as they are intrusive.’

DrummingMousWife · 27/03/2025 07:44

BellissimoGecko · 27/03/2025 07:42

‘It was your decision to leave me. You also left the kids. This is one of the consequences. I will let you know if one if the kids has an accident or there is an emergency, but I will not reply to messages each day, as they are intrusive.’

This.
be firm. Also think about going to court for a child arrangements order, this will set out contact clearly and he cannot just take them when he likes.

Gcsunnyside23 · 27/03/2025 07:49

Is your arrangement court ordered? If not I would get that in place and bring up contact about the children at that point too stating you want it through a designated means at designated times if there's nothing wrong. He's trying to control you

FloydPink · 27/03/2025 14:44

If I wasn't having them 50/50, and they were that age, I would probably want to catch up with them daily too. It's taking an interest in your kids. Mine are older and I still check in with them directly every day they are not with me.

If the ball was on the other foot, would you want to have daily updates?

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