Where Do I Start?

[Jfieobabco]

I’m hoping I can get some help on here on where to start in all of this.

I am pretty sure my marriage is over. We don’t love each other anymore and cannot stand the sight of each other, and are just making each other miserable. The list of blame and finger pointing is long on both sides, but bottom line is: I want out.

We’ll be married 10 years this summer, and have three children aged 4, 6, and 8. Husband is a high earner (>500k annual salary), I am self employed and pay myself a salary of around 1,000£ a month. Could possibly increase that to 3,000£ a month if I invest less into the business. I have no savings, no pension, some credit card debt and am mid 40s. My husband pays the mortgage, but the house is in both our names. He also pays for everything child related - their school fees and various hobbies.

My job requires me to work on weekends mostly, and it’s seasonal. So Mondays-Fridays I look after the kids pretty much alone. But on the weekends I rely on my husband to look after them if I want to do my job - at least during high season.

I am absolutely petrified of my dependence on him. Even if he were to let me keep the house (which I doubt because he is irrational and spiteful) I couldn’t pay the mortgage.

Logistically, it would make sense of course for me to have the kids during the week, as he works long hours. But having the kids also means I can’t invest the time into my business to make this more successful.

I honestly don’t know where to start.

Anyone here been in a similar situation before? Where did you start? How did you become self sufficient?

Go to a solicitor - you can get a one off consultation for £200 but it will be the best money you ever spend. Knowing your rights is a powerful feeling.

If you are married then the house is half yours. Start listing all the assets of marriage - house, savings, pensions, investments, expensive hobby equipment etc. Roughly speaking half of it is yours. Any debt will belong to the person named on the card/loan (but might be offset by assets if they cannot house themselves). Get copies. Even if you don't know the amount held, get the company names so the solicitor can track down the amounts.

If he won't buy the house from you then it will need to sell on open market. Start looking on rightmove for your new home and start tweaking prices, locations, and expectations. Be prepared to move schools if you cannot afford location. I found this process hard to begin with but it eventually becomes quite freeing of the mental and emotional leashes tying you to the marriage.

Start looking around the house for what you would like to take and is it worth bartering for. Remember charity shops have good quality furniture nowadays, bedding and curtains is cheap from B&M, as is most cooking utensils/pots. And there's nothing better than a new washing machine being plumbed in by the delivery man versus you paying someone to disconnect, move, and reconnect an 8yr machine 😉

Dont discuss anything with DH until after solicitor and all paperwork copied.

Thank you so much! Really helpful advice!