What did you do about in-laws and contact after divorce?

[2025willbemytime]

Kids all adult so they manage their own relationship with them.
Moving/moved hours away, kids already live away as at uni/working.
Their son the reason for the divorce (not that that is massively relevant).
Ex has a new woman.

In-laws want to keep in touch. I don't really but also don't want to be unkind. Plus it might be hard/unfair to the kids. I won't be travelling to see them so only will if they are invited to things I am going to.

A friend of mine was so shamed about her affair she never spoke to them again even though they never knew she'd cheated.

Stick to Christmas and birthday cards with a little note inside.

My son has been divorced for 10 years and has a daughter with his ex. She is equally at home with his family and hers and we see her often. My ex dil is lovely and we get on fine, but don't see a lot of her.

ATM I'm struggling with post from them coming through my door when I move tbh. I know some people will think that is OTT and a bit silly but I have my reasons. I will be moving 100s of miles away.

My child was v young when we divorced. Exh was a monumental shit and his mother didn't help. I still message now and again for the sake of my child. I wouldn't have anything to do with her otherwise.

I did feel sad about ex FIL though. He got dementia and died. He was part of my life for 15 years and then wasn't and never saw him again.

Wasn't close to him or anything but he was still someone I'd spent time with. It felt strange.

I think it's good to be pleasant but I wouldn't want to be that involved in your shoes. Send the odd message or card.

I stayed on really good terms with mine but it very much depends on the people involved and the reasons for your divorce.

Clean break imo.
I see mine now and again.. History rewritten and they make me want to scream.. After years of abuse which their ds obviously wasn't doing he tried to assault mil. That has been rewritten out also and he is creeping back into their lives. Karma imo. See how nervous they become around him now...

Thank you. I feel a bit emotional at the kindness of the replies tbh. I expected to be slated.

Surely if they say "we'd like to keep in touch" you just say yes, but never really contact them? If they send you the odd card, and you sometimes respond (to be polite) and sometimes don't, I bet it will fizzle out.
I appreciate your children are adults, but they will always be their grandparents, so it would be nice to be civil if at all possible.

My situation is a bit different, as my kids are younger and it was a very amicable divorce, but I will occasionally speak to my ex-inlaws - sometimes I collect my children from their house and accept an offer of a cuppa and quick catch-up. We exchange Christmas cards, and they will sometimes message me with questions about gifts for the kids. I always got on well with my ex-sister in law, we very very occasionally message each other.

I have nothing to do with mine, my ex is horrible to deal with so it’s better not to see ex PIL or have any mutual friends, it means I see less of the ex.

Kids were teens when we separated and are young adults now.

I don't want any cards. Texts are my limit tbh. ATM no one knows where I am moving to.

I've nothing really against them except that I don't feel supported, even when you allow for the fact they'll always choose their child, they promise then don't follow through. Been married a really long time, only grandchildren are mine.

I haven't heard from my ILs who id known nearly 20 years from the day their son - ex husband - left. Breakdown of marriage completely his doing - what he said/did...if he'd been my son I'd be ashamed. At first I was annoyed they cut me off - had 3 very young children - their only grandchildren. They haven't seen them since either.

I actually feel relieved now though that we are completely no contact - they don't take up any headspace. I can move on with my life without any reminders

I was quite relieved I didn't have to see any of them again tbh. Do what's best for you long term, probably polite non-committal response to any communication instigated by them, nothing more.

Thank you.

I had a lovely relationship until I didn't (not me, them). We are NC and I have no regrets. They let us down very badly.

I had a very messy divorce. My MIL did try to keep in touch, but it was too difficult for me and I went NC with her. I have extremely limited contact with my sister in law (exs brothers wife) maybe one text a year. FIL died prior to the divorce.

I may have been unkind, but I don't care much if it's seen that way. Ex put me through hell and ultimately they will always be on his side.

I don't think what other people have done will be of help to you as everyone's situation is different.

My ex is an utter arse. He was already estranged from his sister, Mother and aunt. He barely had a relationship with his Father and that stopped once we were divorced. I've always been close to my ILs, though ex was obstructive (DS2 didn't even know he had a grandmother living less than 1/2hr away).

We have been divorced nearly 9 years now. I am very close to my ILs and my boys with their grandparents. MIL died last year. I was by her side. FIL is in a nursing home and I see him often and take him out when I can. I have a good relationship with his sister and aunt.

So, our divorce strengthen the relationship with my ILs. It's easier to justify it (if that's the right word) because of my sons.

With MIL no longer here the relationship I have with her second husband is a bit more tenuous. There isn't a name for late ex-MIL's husband, but we shared a lot of the intense and difficult years of MILs/his wife's dementia so I'll still see him. He is keen to do so.

FiL died, and I divorced his son soon after. I didn't wait, it just happened that way. Ex's Step mum moved away soon after the funeral to get away from people she owed money to. She was like a GP to DD but she buggered off. So DD effectively lost 2 GPs in one year...I said she could keep contact with her Step-GM but I wasn't going to bother because I never really liked her. She was crap with money, lied a lot, and was a total narcissist. DD was a young adult when this happened. She knows where her Step-GM lives but hasn't kept in touch.

My DParents cut contact with ExH pretty much straight away. My dad was sad as he thought of exH as a friend but it was easier for them to do a clean bteak. My brother got on ok with exH but I've told him why we split & he cut contact too.

I left my ex. MIL didn't want anything to do with me and didn't see DD for a few years either.
FIL used to come to some of DDs school stuff and he and I got on fine.

XH had two siblings...he was closer to one and had little to do with the other who I got on really well with so they've remained part of 'my' family which has been lovely for me and DD.

Id happily never see my exILs again, especially FIL. We're all very amicable and pleasant in public when needed for the kids, but I look forward to the day the only chance I'll come across them will be big family events like weddings. Unfortunately no they know where I live as still in the FMH, In your situation I wouldn't give them my address,

Ds used to invite them over sometimes (as an adult). They used to sit regaling stories of him as a small boy.
We lived 3 streets away and saw them for an hour twice a week... Definitely was no tales to tell. Many times I wanted to pipe up them must have meant his cousin.. Sil's dc who practically lived there... Don't burden yourself with keeping in touch op.

Thanks again everyone. I appreciate that you understand even though I am sorry that you've had crap times. I made the mistake of telling ex h I'll be gone soon and he'll never have to see me again. He looked shocked but said nothing. It makes his life easier with his new desperate woman that I'll be five hours away but then I'm going to take the win and go no contact.

Do not know your circumstances but do you have shared DC are their weddings going to come up? Move on, move away but do not make things hard for your DC

Obviously you don't know me but I'd never make anything hard for my children, so no need for the do not.. Their father has basically given up. I've been supporting them and always will. I've discussed wedding etc with the dc. They've said he won't be there.

My ex in laws are fine, it was there daughter that was a major problem.

I did take my son over to visit his Great Grandmother and his Grandparents came over to pick him up once. We also hosted his great aunt once.