Child Arrangement Order

[PinkGorilla]

Sorry, me and my million questions again. Has anyone applied for a CAO and how much did it cost? Was your case successful? My soon to be ex wants 50/50 custody, but he's barely ever done anything. I do all school runs and 5 x after school clubs a week, even when he's at home. I do all their meals and baths etc and he never gets them to clean their teeth, put clean underwear on or brush their hair etc. He's a fun dad...when it suits him. But he also shuts himself away in his room lots while they run wild around the house unsupervised, if I'm at the hairdressers or something. I even have evidence of him having some eh-hem personal time 10mins after I left the house recently. He was supposed to be watching the kids, but was googling porn on his iPad for the first half an hour I was out. He only had to watch them while I nipped out for an hour! Anyway I want a more 60/40 split, as I feel that will be in their best interests. He's already admitted his mum will be picking them up and feeding them tea at her house on his days. So why ask for 50/50 if you don't even plan on having them anyway?!

First, however you feel about him don't slag him off as a dad. That will not go down well in court. Look more at the practicalities of 50/50. Do you live near eachother? So no issue with either of them going to school/being picked up?
There is nothing wrong with grandparent involvement as that is what many families do even when together. So that's not a reason to go 60/40
How old are the children?

Yes I certainly don't mind the grandparents being involved and seeing them lots, it's just frustrating how he wants to take them away from me 50% of the time if he doesn't even plan on having them himself on a weekly basis. But I know that part of out of my control. They are 7 and 9yrs old.

Is he just trying to not pay child maintenance?

Include "right of first refusal for both of you".

This means if he isn't going to be the person caring for the DC (whether it be family, friends or childcare) then he has to offer you the opportunity to have them.

I expect he wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. The costs will depend on whether you pay a solicitor to help you apply and file your evidence or if you do it yourself, and also whether you pay a barrister to represent you in any court hearings. How are you proposing 60/40 to work?

With my ex it was a mixture of him wanting the ego massage of a child following after him saying 'daddy, daddy' and a way of wiggling out of maintenance. Within a few years he had a total breakdown and now has no contact.

However, the 'system' doesn't give a shlt about how crap or not a parent is, they just mindlessly favour 50-50 until an ex is so obviously harmful in some way that they have no choice but to give you back custody (and even then that's on you to have / pay for the fight). You may just have to suck it up and be thankful his mother wants to help and enjoy the extra freedom.

may propose a phased change in the arrangement? Start at 70-30 for a few months, then 60-40 etc

Laws may have changed since I divorced in 2015. Back then, any time the child spent with their grandparents was not taken into account when calculating child maintenance.

My ex exploited it to the full. They ensured that the child was not with me for more than 51 nights per year. This meant I had to pay the full amount of child maintenance.

I worked on a 28:28 rotation. So, a 50:50 split would have been easy. However, when I was out of the UK, the child spent all their time at my parents house. Which was 183 days per year. Add the 51 days I was there made 234 days per year.

So, although ex had the child for 131 nights per year, they received the full amount of maintenance. I went through the courts to object, but to no avail.

The arrangements you had when married might shed light or inform the post divorce agreement. But it doesn’t define it. You are getting divorced and your lives are going to change. That means you both take on board more responsibilities for home making and bread winning unless you are lucky enough to have someone else to help you.

This means that for 50% of the time you won’t or least shouldn’t have to do everything. He or his mother will take them to clubs and pick them up / drop them off. This gives you the time to do other things and the most obvious thing is to be able to work longer hours.

The most obvious flaw in your post is to say he is a good enough dad for 40% of the time but not 50% of the time.

But realistically you will both need to resort to childcare at some point if you are both separately providing for them by working. He will use his mother and at some point you may need to use child care too.

He is putting forward a plan that allows him to co parent 50% of the time, work and have good childcare in place when he is at work or not around.

You need to put a constructive proposal on how you will do 60% of the co parenting.

@LemonTT

Good post. CMS will determine what is a fair split based on what’s considered best for the child. Not what the receiving and paying parent wants.

He said he would refuse to sign one and 'fight me' on it.

It's a fairly standard term, accept you will end up in court. Don't cower for an easy life now for your & DC longer term detriment.