Financial settlement

[50l50]

Looking for some thoughts on the details below. Ex lives in family home with kids (3) and we are separated over 3 years. We each pay £800 to a joint account to cover joint mortgage and house bills etc. We've began discussing what will happen to the house, ex wants to take over the mortgage but to do this will be reliant on a £700 payment continuing as the CM payment. I take kids EOW and 1 evening a week. I'd prefer they don't have to move but I'm uncomfortable with their living arrangement being reliant on child payment. Am I being unreasonable to think my ex should be able to allow their housing independently, and my CM payment should be an addition? Happy to hear experiences!

Afford not allow

How much CM would you have to pay based on your salary ?

Does your ex earn enough for the bank to lend her the mortgage based on just her salary ?

How much equity is in the house? Half of that is yours and you wouldn’t be unreasonable to need it to sort your own housing.

She or he is your ex. You don’t get to dictate their living arrangements.

I note they are the main carer of the children so the children need to be housed, clothed and fed. Their home needs to be heated, insured and the bills paid.

If you feel that the children are suffering or at risk in some way then you can report it to social services and explain that you don’t like how their parent pays the bills.

Or perhaps go back to court and ask for full time residence of your children. That way you can ensure that the bills are paid in a way that meets your requirements .

You could always pay more! Sounds like you do next to nothing of the childcare responsibility during the working week so could really be maximising your earnings and paying more maintenance. HTH

CM is to cover all costs for kids, food, clothes, housing, utilities, books, games, education, travel expenses etc etc. You can't separate housing the kids from housing the main carer for the kids, they are dependent. Think of it as housing your kids, not housing your ex, that might help your comfort level.

Where, with what funds and how else would you like your ex to house your three children?

Ill probably be told I'm wrong but I think it is reasonable to expect the partner to be able to pay without the £700,in so far as what if OP loses their job,is hurt etc & cannot give that amount long term,the partner then is in trouble as they cannot afford to pay for the house. I'm not saying don't pay it but it shouldn't be relied on,it should be extra.

I think that’s between the mortgage company and your ex. The mortgage company will have a view on the security of CM to support a mortgage and it’s none of your business how they pay their bills any more than it’s your ex’s business how you spend your money. If £700 is above the usual level of CM and they want you to pay extra that’s a different issue. But in practice the resident parent pays a far higher % of their income on children than a non resident parent does. having almost sole responsibility for 3 dc will impact their income opportunities - what would you think was fair for your ex to pay you if you had the 3 dc for 9/10 working days a fortnight and they were free to maximise their income?

I agree. Simply because maintenance payments can’t be guaranteed. It’s unwise to have a mortgage which is reliant on maintenance. Anything could happen in the next five years, such as you remarrying and having more children. You could easily become one of those exes who decides to reduce hours/ take a pay cut/ gives her the runaround with payments etc. I am not saying you will do that but your ex ( for her own sake) should consider that- it’s a situation many people find themselves in.

some mortgages take into consideration cms

whats the cms you’d be expected to pay as minimum? Ultimately your ex can spend that as they see fit

What should your child maintenance payments be?

Is it easier to sell the house so you can split the equity?

That's isn't how child maintenance works though. It is supposed to contribute to the child&s upkeep and that include their accommodation it isn't just for extras.

What happens if my time with my children increases? What if I have children with a new partner? Become ill? Lose my job? I'd be happy to take children for more time during holidays but ex would not agree this.

Why only in holidays OP? Presumably so you can continue to earn the big bucks while she struggles?

Can your ex afford to buy you out? I assume there is equity in the house? Your ex would be expected to maximize their income by working full time, claim whatever benefits they are entitled to plus CMS. Many lenders will not include CMS or benefits in their affordability.

You need legal advice about the divorce and finances - it's not just as simple as CMS payments unfortunately. You staying on the mortgage for the former marital home will prevent you getting another mortgage in the future.

You need to consider all assets (pensions, savings, equity) and debts.

It's been 3 years, you should finalize this.

If you went to court to get a Child Arrangement Order then you’d probably get up to 50% contact and if distance is an issue then it would probably be during the school holidays. You don’t need a solicitor and it costs something like £230 plus a mediation session.

Have you looked up how much CM you’d have to pay on your current salary? Your ex can use it all on her housing if she wants but it’s up to her to find a bank who treats CM like income. She needs to pay you a percentage of the equity in the home before you can remove yourself from the current house mortgage. 💸

@AnotherVice they denied my 50/50 contact request. We've both been informed legally it would be better for children to have one base to go to school from. Do you disagree?

@FuuuuuckitCMS calculator is around £550 monthly on 1-2 nights a week. My ex will keep house, contents, their car, pension, any debt in their name, their savings and the CB. I will keep my pension (lower), my car, debt in my name (higher) and a half and half lump sum payment from house all going well. My salary is higher by around £15k.