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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How do i protect us

14 replies

JKM66 · 25/02/2025 10:45

How do i protect us? i am going through a divorce from an emotional abuser husband why still lives in the same house despite being separated for 7 yrs. The financial final hearing will be heard soon and he may be ordered to move out. He will be in a very angry state and he has nothing left to lose (both adult children do not talk to him and he has no one) . The court probably will give him time to move out let say 1 to 3 months. At that time I am so sacred that he will do something to harm us (our daughter lives with me). Moving out is impossible for us as we have an elderly dog who will not settle anywhere - that will be the and of him and we love him more that life. Until he moves out i feel that we will be in a grave danger. I have a non-molestation order but it doesn't work as we live in the same house. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you

OP posts:
Imgoingtobefree · 25/02/2025 11:35

This is serious.

Please reach out to Womens Aid, the Police, anyone who can give you advice.

Buscake · 25/02/2025 13:17

Can you seek an occupation order too? Surely the non mol means he cannot be in the house with you?

Buscake · 25/02/2025 13:18

Are children’s services involved for your daughter? They may be able to support if contact between him and her puts her at risk of significant harm. As previous poster suggests- start reaching out to statutory agencies for support.

nc42day · 25/02/2025 13:19

Get legal advice, are you using a solicitor for the divorce?

Accept that your dog might have to compromise and learn to settle elsewhere, this is a huge upheaval and lots of things have and will have to give, to get you safely to the other side, don't use that to create a situation that you may regret.

BigHeadBertha · 25/02/2025 13:26

Okay, this is just all over the place.

  1. You are emotionally abused by your husband to the point that a court order is in place, and have been separated for seven entire years. Yet you remain in the house with him.

Does that make sense to you?
It does not make sense to me.
It does not make sense.

  1. When you and your grown daughter are in grave danger, does it really make sense to not move out immediately, because it might be hard on your dog?

Answer: No.

  1. The safety of the people in your home comes first.
  2. An elderly dog will die soon regardless of what you do.
  3. It is not a given that moving will kill your dog anyway.
  4. Are we really, actually having this conversation right now?

I think you are not thinking straight. Stop that. Get a place and move out with your grown daughter and your dog when your husband isn't home. Do it today.

RandomMess · 25/02/2025 13:27

Absolutely get an occupation.

He should have moved out with the non-molestation?

Justsayit123 · 25/02/2025 13:34

On a practical note, can you hide or ask somebody else to look after anything that is valuable or sentimental? Things like passports, jewellery, favourite books, photos, drawings, clothes, shoes, etc

Original poster
JKM66 · 25/02/2025 14:20

Buscake thank you. i did that and the threshold is too high. I have to be in an immediate danger - physical ect. It's very hard to get one unless you have bruises.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 25/02/2025 14:30

Why are you still living in the same house if you have a non mol order???

Original poster
JKM66 · 25/02/2025 14:32

Thank you everyone for your time and advise. The story is long and i did not want to post a long post that no one will read. I was 15 yrs old when i meet this man and now I am 58. We have 2 adult children that are estranged from him. All has been done in a slow motion for a number of reasons that i can not go to details. The children had to come to terms with this and i do not have the meant to rent. We live in a housing association house. I started the divorce and asked him to leave - he refused. I have attended 7 court hearing so far and i have 3 hearing coming up - all in March. I understand that if the court rules that he needs to move out I will have to move out temporarily to keep us safe but i am not sure if he will use that to say that i have managed to find a place to live and start appealing and prolong the process even longer.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 25/02/2025 14:49

That still doesn’t explain why he is still living there whilst subject to a non mol order. He could be arrested and locked up!

Quitelikeit · 25/02/2025 14:52

Put a lock on your bedroom door

make sure you have a phone on you at all times

keep a spray tin of deodorant on your person or very near so you can spray it in his face if you think he might attack you

ask police for a safety marker on your house

Original poster
JKM66 · 25/02/2025 17:56

Soontobe60 Because he is very careful on what he does now. Police came to our home few times but said that the order doesn't really work in you case as you are living together. it has deterred him form any further abuse. He just wants to prolong the suffering. He has tried every trick on the book to make this as painful as possible - all legal.

OP posts:
Original poster
JKM66 · 25/02/2025 17:58

Quitelikeit I have put a lock on my door and our daughter and dog sleep with me. my concern is that he could just let the gas open one night and kill us all as he doesn't care about his life anymore especially if he is ordered to leave.

OP posts:
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