What can you include in a court order regarding the children?

[BookArt55]

I have the final hearing for the children soon, sorry I'm not good with the terminology. But the judge will make a decision with a court order written. What is the likelihood of a judge/court order saying the below:

1. that no one can look after the children unless both parents agree? Includes dropping them to school, everything.

2. that one parent can have it agreed in court that the other parent no longer posts the children on social media?

3. one parent chooses not to attend medical appointments. This parent regularly shares they don't agree with the plan of action when they are informed, but doesn't explain why, and continues to not attend. Can the court order that both parents must give written consent before medical treatment is given?

4. can it be court ordered that one parent has to agree who attends handover? The other parent currently brings a third party. Hand over takes place in a public place with cctv.

5. finally one parent has made many accusations to the police, CAFCASS and social services. None have been taken further. Is there, at any point, a way to stop the false allegations and the threats directly to the parent that the children will be removed from them?

As you've probably guessed, my children's father and I do not have a positive coparenting relationship. Naturally I am concerned about the outcome, so wondered if anyone had experience with these type of things. Thank you so much.

I really don't think any of those will be written in. He will be able to post his own kids on social media if he wants to, get other people to look after the children during his time, probably being someone else to the handover etc. You won't be able to control what he does in his time, which it sounds like you're trying to do. I'd be careful on how much of this you try and ask for because to me it sounds pretty unreasonable (imagine if he was trying to control you in the same ways!)

Medically, I'd just book the appointments during your time and let him know what's happened. You know you won't get another signature if you try and force it, so don't try and force it.

For SS, I'd just let them figure it out themselves. Presumably if they're all false eventually the police will warn him to stop making complaints.

1. that no one can look after the children unless both parents agree Unreasonable.
2. that one parent can have it agreed in court that the other parent no longer posts the children on social media? Unreasonable.
3. one parent chooses not to attend medical appointments. This parent regularly shares they don't agree with the plan of action when they are informed, but doesn't explain why, and continues to not attend. Can the court order that both parents must give written consent before medical treatment is given? Why would you want this if he wont agree to the treatment?
4. can it be court ordered that one parent has to agree who attends handover? The other parent currently brings a third party. Hand over takes place in a public place with cctv. For this Id go for contact centre hand over or third party, not me
5. finally one parent has made many accusations to the police, CAFCASS and social services. None have been taken further. Is there, at any point, a way to stop the false allegations and the threats directly to the parent that the children will be removed from them? Ignore.

They can’t blanket his signature for medical treatment. What you want is the right to make medical decisions without him.

getting agreement on who can watch the children could be used to abuse you. What if he never agrees to anyone? He could essentially trap you and prevent you from working. What you want is right of first refusal. If the parent is going to be away for more than say 4 hours, they have to offer the time to the other parent.

who can show up to exchange is tricky and you may want flexibility yourself, especially if one day you are sick. It may be better to simply declare a neutral location with cctv coverage.

one really smart thing my parents put in was that my father had to pay me maintenance directly as long as I was a full-time university student in good standing pursuing my initial degree. Neither parent had anyplace to house me. Without those checks I would not have been able to complete my education. As it was I had to get creative when student halls closed over breaks.

You would need a Specific Issues Order which you would need to apply for

Thank you both, this is really good to hear. All of the things I have mentioned are what my ex wants included in the court order. These are actually the far more reasonable ones... that i thought might have more of a chance of being included.

Unfortunately it is all about control. Remove my support network, etc.

There are many more wonderfully weird requests, for example I have blood tests done every three months due to a diagnosed health issue that have already been proven in court are under control and do not mean I can't parent the children. Ex wants my blood test results submitted to him and if they don't meet his own chosen scores (that are frankly quite random and don't meet medical guidance) then he wants the children removed from me immediately.

It is exhausting but I do continue to doubt myself even after all this time. You've given me hope that I am not completely mad. Thank you!

Tbh, you shouldn’t post about your children on social media.

I do agree. However once a year I raise awareness of our child's visible difference along with many others also affected. Unfortunately my ex knows that I think it is really important to help support this cause so is trying to remove that specific thing. He isn't actually trying to stop anyone sharing pictures of the kids, just that one meaningful post once a year.

Things you can get factored into your order can include stuff relating to contact and welfare factors.

Such as:

1. The child to be able to spend birthdays with each parents. That includes parents birthdays too.

2. One party to be ordered to take child to extra curricular activities that are important that fall on non resident parents contact time (think shows or competitions)

3. Holidays, permission to be given to each parent to take a two week holiday to a reasonable holiday destination. Timings etc to be agreed between parents. Passports to be provided two weeks in advanced and to return to the resident parents house after.

4. Handovers, third parties to be named ahead of handover taking place.

5. You can have a recital pertaining to no accusations made by either parent at handovers.

The court really won't care about social media etc.

Its all got to relate to child welfare decisions and factors.

Thank you, your point about extra curricular is a big thing for me moving forward so this is useful to know that it is common practice.