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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Will I get in trouble with HA if ex has been paying rent

43 replies

MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 11:54

Hello you lovely bunch, I am in the process of leaving my abusive partner of 10 years. Please don’t pity me I’m actually excited to move on to this new chapter of my life without an overgrown mardy man child to look after. This has been a long time coming so around 3/4 months ago I knew the relationship was done & started planning my escape after much pleading he refuses to leave our rented home (the tenancy is only in my name as he had numerous CCJs in his name when we first moved in),3 months ago I signed on to UC as a single applicant along side my part time work to help me save so me & my daughter could escape as quickly as possible.

I am now in the process of applying for council houses near me as private rent on 1 persons wage is just far too much…The housing association have now asked me for bank statements & ID etc, I’m a little worried to give the bank statements to them as soon to be ex partner puts rent in to my account the day before the 1st then the direct debit for the rent goes out to the lettings agency as normal.

why do HA ask for bank statements? Im
worried they’re going to see that rent gets paid by ex whilst I’m claiming UC for housing benefit & I’ll get done for benefit fraud leaving my child with abusive dad while I have to go off to prison or be riddled in more debt than I am now having to repay back the UC. I’m fully aware what I’m doing is illegal re the UC claim but I’m so so desperate to leave this man & I just don’t know what to do now.

anyone been in a similar situation?
many thanks for any replies

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 24/02/2025 12:04

I highly doubt you’re going to be sent to prison over this but you will be sanctioned by UC and you will have to pay back all that you have fraudulently claimed.

Redrosesposies · 24/02/2025 12:07

I think you are allowed to claim UC if you have separated even if you are still living in same house but whether you have over claimed will depend on the figures you have submitted.
Does the direct debit from ex actually say rent in the narrative. If it doesn't then I would say it's just a contribution towards household bills. In fact if anyone queried it you could say when he set it up he did pay rent but now you pay it alone but he hasn't changed direct debit.
I don't normally agree with people claiming benefits that they're not entitled to but in cases like this I would say needs must.
Someone will be along soon with better advice than me I am sure.
Good luck OP hope you get out soon.

SpinsterOfTheParish · 24/02/2025 12:08

So really, he is just paying you maintenance (of a sum which happens to be the same as your rent)? Maintenance isn't taken into account for UC claims and therefore this affects nothing, as far as I understand it.

Mrsttcno1 · 24/02/2025 12:12

SpinsterOfTheParish · 24/02/2025 12:08

So really, he is just paying you maintenance (of a sum which happens to be the same as your rent)? Maintenance isn't taken into account for UC claims and therefore this affects nothing, as far as I understand it.

This is not the case. They still live together and although you can technically claim UC as a single applicant while living together you have to prove you are living separately, that is difficult to do, but in an instance like this OP has fraudulently claimed to be single when presumably if she had declared household income correctly to UC she would not have been eligible.

SpinsterOfTheParish · 24/02/2025 12:51

Mrsttcno1 · 24/02/2025 12:12

This is not the case. They still live together and although you can technically claim UC as a single applicant while living together you have to prove you are living separately, that is difficult to do, but in an instance like this OP has fraudulently claimed to be single when presumably if she had declared household income correctly to UC she would not have been eligible.

Show quote history

Has she fraudulently claimed to be single? It sounds like the relationship has ended but the ex refuses to leave the property.

If they have separate bank accounts (which they clearly do, seeing as ex pays money from his account into OP's account) then OP has no access to his income other than what he chooses to give to her. So his income is not "household income" - it's his income.

@MummyH92 are you still sharing a bed, eating together etc? Does ex accept that the relationship is over?

Mrsttcno1 · 24/02/2025 13:10

SpinsterOfTheParish · 24/02/2025 12:51

Has she fraudulently claimed to be single? It sounds like the relationship has ended but the ex refuses to leave the property.

If they have separate bank accounts (which they clearly do, seeing as ex pays money from his account into OP's account) then OP has no access to his income other than what he chooses to give to her. So his income is not "household income" - it's his income.

@MummyH92 are you still sharing a bed, eating together etc? Does ex accept that the relationship is over?

Show quote history

His income AKA the household income in this instance is paying the rent- which OP has fraudulently claimed UC for so she’s not been paying rent but been claiming it.

OP has herself acknowledged that her claim is fraudulent- it is.

Original poster
MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:12

SpinsterOfTheParish · 24/02/2025 12:51

Has she fraudulently claimed to be single? It sounds like the relationship has ended but the ex refuses to leave the property.

If they have separate bank accounts (which they clearly do, seeing as ex pays money from his account into OP's account) then OP has no access to his income other than what he chooses to give to her. So his income is not "household income" - it's his income.

@MummyH92 are you still sharing a bed, eating together etc? Does ex accept that the relationship is over?

Show quote history

Hi, I hope this reply works I’m very new to mumsnet as in talking & replying on here. This group helped me many times when my LO was a newborn & just.would.not.sleep haha & I would google all sorts of random questions in the dead of night it always brought me to mumsnet.

right so, technically on paper he doesn’t live in our rented property he lives with his sister, this is due to his CCJs he had when we first moved in (we didn’t know how this would affect our renting application) it was march 2020 I was pregnant, working full time about to go into tge 1st lockdown & we just needed somewhere asap as I was full time I could apply as a single occupier as my wage covered it all.
tbh I have been trying to leave for around 2 years he’s just not the man I met & silly me kept thinking he will change & I didn’t want my daughter to have a broken home etc.

no he has not accepted the relationship is over despite me begging him to go, crying most days about how miserable I am & how trapped I feel, last week he punched me whilst driving luckily LO wasn’t in the car so for me that’s it, I simply won’t stand for that sick of being a personal cook & cleaner for him whilst going 50/50 on the bills on my measly little part time wage & my thank you is getting attacked while driving a car…no thank you. I could move in my with mum but it would take me an hour to do one school run then I have to get to work so it’s just not practical for me, he has 50k in savings so could easily rent anywhere he wanted but he won’t go… I have accepted that he won’t go & know it’s down to me to leave if I am ever going to be free of him, I don’t think he will accept the relationship is over until I’ve moved out.

we have separate bank accounts @SpinsterOfTheParish

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 24/02/2025 13:12

Does the payment state rent?

Original poster
MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:16

MadeForThis · 24/02/2025 13:12

Does the payment state rent?

Hi, no it doesn’t quote or reference anything. It’s not a direct debit he just pays it into my account a day or 2 before

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 24/02/2025 13:19

If he hits you then call the police and get him removed.

You can’t use violence as a justification for your fraud

MadeForThis · 24/02/2025 13:22

Have you been claiming that you are a single parent household and claiming benefits for that?

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/02/2025 13:23

What other finances do you share? Does his transfer before 1st cover his share of bills, rent, child support and you pay everything from your account? Or does he make separate payments for other things? Or do you have a joint account for other costs?

If the former, then unless the payment is labelled "rent" then I don't see why you couldn't argue this is his child maintenance contribution. If he technically lives at his sister's and OP has ended the relationship then she is entitled to claim as a single parent. I do think you should be taking every possible step to make it clear you are separated - no joint meals, separate rooms (if you have to share with your daughter etc). If he is not on the tenancy, can you ask for help to remove him from the property due to his violence towards you?

Onlygoneanddoneit · 24/02/2025 13:24

My understanding is maintenance payments do not affect benefits. What's he's actually been paying is maintenance, not rent, so you're fine, as long as he hasn't been living there.

Original poster
MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:27

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/02/2025 13:23

What other finances do you share? Does his transfer before 1st cover his share of bills, rent, child support and you pay everything from your account? Or does he make separate payments for other things? Or do you have a joint account for other costs?

If the former, then unless the payment is labelled "rent" then I don't see why you couldn't argue this is his child maintenance contribution. If he technically lives at his sister's and OP has ended the relationship then she is entitled to claim as a single parent. I do think you should be taking every possible step to make it clear you are separated - no joint meals, separate rooms (if you have to share with your daughter etc). If he is not on the tenancy, can you ask for help to remove him from the property due to his violence towards you?

@Schoolchoicesucks hi, so no joint accounts. He doesn’t pay anything apart from rent he pays most of the rent I still have to contribute (of course) & then every other bill goes out of my bank, electricity, council tax, water, wi fi etc etc that’s all in my name & comes out of my account

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 24/02/2025 13:31

You should be fine, but you should get him evicted, or is the place too expensive for you to pay on your own now you are part time?

gamerchick · 24/02/2025 13:34

It's your house. Lock him out and ring the police when he tries to get back in.

Fraggeek · 24/02/2025 13:35

The next time he is out, change the locks and put his stuff in bags outside. When he comes knocking, refuse entry and call the police if necessary. State he's not a tenant and he has a history of abuse. Explain you are taking steps to dissolve the relationship and he's refusing.

This then solves both issues. He's gone and you don't need to move.

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/02/2025 13:36

Reframe the contributions he has been paying in your own mind as child maintenance.

Do seek support on removing him from the property.

Original poster
MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:43

Doggymummar · 24/02/2025 13:31

You should be fine, but you should get him evicted, or is the place too expensive for you to pay on your own now you are part time?

@Doggymummar would this be via the police? Sorry such a stupid question but him leaving is just the most easiest thing for everyone. Why he won’t willingly go baffles my mind I’m not being exactly nice to him recently, I would struggle to afford everything but I think it’s do able. My cars on finance & that’s paid off in 6 months so very doable once that’s paid off & im in talks with my boss to up my hours at work she needs to agree it with her boss first

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:46

Fraggeek · 24/02/2025 13:35

The next time he is out, change the locks and put his stuff in bags outside. When he comes knocking, refuse entry and call the police if necessary. State he's not a tenant and he has a history of abuse. Explain you are taking steps to dissolve the relationship and he's refusing.

This then solves both issues. He's gone and you don't need to move.

@Fraggeek Honestly I don’t know why I’ve never thought of this, guessing he’s turned me into a scaredy cat after years of verbal abuse. I always worry that I’m inflicting some trauma on to my daughter if she had to watch her dad getting arrested or something cos he would not go without a fight that I do know.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/02/2025 13:50

You could also apply for an occupation order.

Quitelikeit · 24/02/2025 13:52

Do what @Fraggeek says

Make sure your daughter is away

Get a friend round and when he comes back tell him through the door he is not welcome

And then call the police once he kicks up a fuss

Hopefully they will ban him from contacting you

Have you got pictures from when he punched you?

Show them to police too

Quitelikeit · 24/02/2025 13:52

The council can change the locks but you’ll get charged

AquaPeer · 24/02/2025 13:55

Hi OP
the housing association are doing an affordability check for you, to check you can afford the rent before they let up you.

housing associations don’t look for benefit fraud, are unlikely to be able to identify it and it’s not the purpose of their check.

although I haven’t checked this for a couple of years, it was always the case that GDPR / prior to that data protection prevented them reporting you to DWP even if you were committing obvious fraud. I know this as I audited a company where they had quite an obvious issue that they had to turn a blind eye to.

Fraggeek · 24/02/2025 13:58

MummyH92 · 24/02/2025 13:46

@Fraggeek Honestly I don’t know why I’ve never thought of this, guessing he’s turned me into a scaredy cat after years of verbal abuse. I always worry that I’m inflicting some trauma on to my daughter if she had to watch her dad getting arrested or something cos he would not go without a fight that I do know.

Show quote history

Whether or not you realise, she's already taken a lot of his behaviour towards you on board. Whilst it may be upsetting, moving forward she will be in a much better place overall if he's gone.

Having said that, is there any chance you could arrange for someone to have her on a day you know he'll be out?

It's time to make a stand and show him you're not scared (no matter how you feel inside), take back ownership of what is yours