Co parenting questions

[Whyyougottobeanonymous]

Hi ladies

I just want to know others thoughts on this.

DD is 15 months. DD’s father left me when she was around 3 months, I agreed for him to have her Saturdays until 6pm when we split, and then agreed recently that he can have her every other week overnight.

I ask DD’s father for update throughout the day which he had been doing - the reason I ask for these is because he doesn’t know DD very well and doesn’t know much of her routine, he also lies to me and doesn’t things that I ask him not to etc.

anyway, he has conversations with other people who have told him he doesn’t need to update me and to ignore me. He took DD yesterday and she was poorly. It all kicked off and hit the fan. He now wants to take me to court for an injunction / restraining order so that I’m not allowed to ask for updates when he has my DD.

i ask for updates after lunch and at bedtime when she’s gone down. I feel this is reasonable given her age and given he struggles to cope on his own with her.

he has also said that others have said he gives me too much child maintenance so he’s going to reduce it by a few hundred pounds. All the while he is picking DD up with new trainers, clothes, and brand new car.

what are my rights here? I was looking to speak to a solicitor but not really sure what for. I believe DD should have a relationship with her father, but also believe I’m entitled to ask for an update whilst she’s with him - am I wrong here?

I just feel a bit stuck. I feel I’m being dictated too and I do feel scared the thought of not knowing if she’s ok all day and night until she’s back the next day.

It would be nice if he updated but you aren’t entitled to it, and he can easily try and go for 50/50 so I wouldn’t ‘kick off’ or allow whatever to hit the fan. Claim maintenance through CMS so there is no debate

This is the life of co-parenting . It's really hard but given that he lies are the updates that helpful? Would the two of you consider mediation? Much cheaper and less stressful and will hopefully help you come to an agreement re contact and money.

I understand your concern but there's no obligation for him to give you constant updates when he has his DD.

Unfortunately he doesn't need to update you no. He will learn by doing so best to leave him to it. I understand that's not nice for you but you need to chill out or the next decade or so will be very hard.

Re maintenance, is he paying you to much? Did you go through CMS or a private arrangement?

I would encourage you to suggest to ex that you get a child arrangement order sorted asap to set all this in stone. This might make the co-parenting easier long term. If you do this you can ask for a nightly video call with DD before bed or something as part of the arrangement.

Following on from the above. If you have a private CM arrangement then I would just go through the CMS. You might end up with less every month but it's worth it to stop future headaches.

If you are already having issues then I forsee trouble down the line unless you both calm down and sort this.

Thank you so much everyone. I’ll bear this in mind. He is adamant to go through courts but says he doesn’t want 50/50 as he can’t give up work to commit this.

@Cerialkiller thanks for the reply in relation to CM, he told me his earnings and I calculated via government website. He now says he lied and told me he earns more than he really does and wants to reduce. I think you might be right, CMS might be the best route.