I’ve posted a few times but quick summary is:
separated from stbx end of 2022, he stayed in family home with our youngest dd (15), eldest dd (17) came with me. We’re renting a flat, he’s in house mortgage free. Quit his very well paid job to be self employed and now saying he has no mortgage raising potential and earning less than £10k a year. Final order could have been granted last May, but he won’t agree on financials. He wants to keep all the house (enough to buy two smaller houses outright or with small mortgage) and all his pension, if pushed might agree to 20% of his for the 7 years I stayed at home raising the children. Won’t agree that it’s limited my career progression and earning potential. Very, very acrimonious and narcissistic, controlling tendencies.
Guessing I need to apply for an extension to the conditional order as it would be a risk to the financial settlement if the final order is granted before things are agreed?
he won’t even agree on the value of the house (his valuation is around a third of the value of the whole house less than mine) so having to get a surveyor to provide full and final value.
I can totally understand why some people just end up walking away, I just feel so low and helpless. I am struggling to pay for the rent, and have exhausted all loan options and goodwill from friends but just need to get through the next few months for dd’s sake.
First hearing nearly didn’t go ahead as he delayed submitting paperwork and on the day he finally did, my youngest dd sent awful messages saying how could I do this to him, I’m taking everything he has, I can’t take the house away from him etc etc, then read in the hearing paperwork “youngest daughter does not want to live with her mother” which breaks my heart. We are still speaking or messaging very frequently but visits are much less frequent. He’s changed the front door and locks on the house and installed ring doorbell without letting me or eldest dd have access. in fact, I’m not even allowed in the house which makes visiting youngest dd even harder. I don’t want her to feel torn but she has a couple of times last year said that she wants to come and live with us but feels bad about dad which just seems to unfair to her to have that feeling of responsibility.
two years ago he drink drove and crashed his car and lost his license - all without telling me and had left our dd at home with a friend same age (then 13) whilst drinking till early hours of the morning and then being found by the police. He’s now claiming that this conviction would hinder him getting a “proper” job and in any case it happened due to the trauma of me leaving him several months earlier.
the second FDR hearing was due end of this month but even after judge ruling that property valuation and PODE report were to be done (or initiated for PODE) by October last year they still haven’t been so we’ve had to apply for an adjournment to April/May time
I’m just done. I’m emotionally, physically and financially exhausted. I can’t see the end to it. I was driving the other day and had an intrusive thought of just turning that steering wheel and it all being over. The children could have my death benefit and it would be done. I physically told myself off for being so stupid and I’d never do that, but I’ve never had a thought like that appear, even through the darkest days of counselling with my DA support worker.
I’ve come a long way, but I never thought that 26 months later there’d still be no end in sight.