How do I leave

[Badabingbadaboom1]

My DH and I live together. Have kids together. He is sighting that I am drunk all the time. This is not the case. I want to leave him as he is verbally abusive. Calls me names in front of the kids. Cunt etc.
How do I go about leaving and sorting all of this out.
Please help

Hopeful bump

Please help.me. I need to sort this out

I feel like a 1950s housewives with no repreave

Hi OP

You organise it and then you go.

Speak to Wonen’s Aid/National Domestic Abuse Helpline or similar who can give you advice.

Get together any official/family documents you might need, or screenshot on your phone (mortgage/tenancy agreement, his payslips/P60, passports, bank statements, etc).

Try and save some money if you can. If you pay for shopping by debit card, get a bit of cash back (as much as you think you can without him questioning you) and stash it somewhere safe (even if that’s not in your house- say, wrapped up in plastic in your mum’s loo).

You will receive advice about where to find out about housing/benefits once you have got the ball rolling with Women’s Aid/NDAH.

Once you have the information you need and a plan in place, you go.

These are roughly the steps.

I’m sure others can offer more advice. I hope you’re able to do it.

Thank you. How do I get him to go tho. Change the locks when he leaves for work?
He just dismisses my claims.

If you own joint property you can’t get him to leave and can’t change the locks

do you work
do you have access to money?
do you own your home ?

Who does the house belong to? If it's jointly owned you can't just change the locks. Women's aid will be able to support you if there are orders you are eligible to apply for residence/occupation/non molestation etc. Are you and the children safe?

So we have a joint mortgage.
I don't earn right now. But I will do in a couple of months

We're safe
He is asleep and only verbaly abuses me, not the children

You can't force him to leave or change the locks as it's his property too. Get as much financial information you can about him eg payslips, savings, pensions etc. and speak to a solicitor who will then give you an idea of what to expect in a divorce settlement. Then file for divorce online. It's scary but you can do this.

Get copies of all paperwork regarding the house, finances, pensions, etc. Get passports, birth cerficates. Create bag for you and the kids with anything needed to immediately leave. Then take all of this and stash it at a trusted person's, my mum was mine.
I would also suggest removing anything that couldn't be replaces like photos, special items. Anything he wouldn't notice missing.

Saving as stated above is really important. You say you will be returning to work soon, if you can tell him you earn slightly less than you do and save that. Cashback option above is also great. Open a new, secret account to a family or friend's address so he has no way of finding out.

See a solicitor and get advice on custody and the house.

Speak to Universal Credit about what financial help is avaliable for you.

Get her proof that you are the main carer. Weird I know, but I've had to prove I was the main carer. For me I had hospital letters, I'm the only one who school and nursery knew. So it has been okay for me to do.

Wishing you all the luck.

I got enough money together to cover an Airbnb for two months and left. I didn’t have a plan for after then. I do earn though so managed to sort a rental after a month. He’s still in the family home. I knew he wouldn’t leave and I had no right to ask him to so I went. It was scary and stressful but four months on it was the right thing to do.