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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Found out partner has been visiting body to body tantric massage parlours

17 replies

Enna0105 · 19/02/2025 13:12

Advice please. I have recently found out that my partner has lied to me and has been visiting tantric happy ending massage parlours since moving abroad for work on 4 occasions during the day. We have a 5 year old daughter together. Should I stay and try and make it work or should I leave him? He has promised to never do it again.

OP posts:
Dror · 19/02/2025 13:16

Did you move abroad with him? What are the laws regarding being able to move your child to your home country?
Do you have any legal protection in place, being unmarried?

No, a boyfriend paying prostituted women to wank him would not be appealing in the slightest. Males who buy women's bodies are indefensible.

FeistyFrankie · 19/02/2025 13:16

Do you trust him? Does he seem genuinely remorseful, or is he just saying what you want to hear? What if he gets better at hiding it in future - and you suspect something is going on bit cannot prove it?

The choice is yours OP but he has lied to you and betrayed you. His words cannot be trusted.

pinkyredrose · 19/02/2025 13:19

Of course he immediately promised to never do it again! He said what he thinks you want to hear.

How did you find out?

MuttsNutts · 19/02/2025 13:29

Bleugh…that would be it for me. Child or no child, I could not forgive someone who betrayed my trust in the most seedy way imaginable and the relationship would be dead in the water. Any respect I ever had for him would be gone.

And get yourself STI tested. Don’t believe him when he tells you he never had sex with anyone, he is lying. Anyone who thinks it’s fine to get a stranger to wank him off, has no boundaries where his dick is concerned.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 19/02/2025 13:36

For me it would depend how desperate I was.

If I was absolutely desperate for a man, I'd have one that was unfaithful sure. And if I wasn't, I wouldn't.

So I guess you have to ask yourself, how desperate are you really?

purplecorkheart · 19/02/2025 13:41

I would be gone in a instant. I would never ever trust him again.

What country are you in? Can you move home easily? Have you your own income?

Lyn397 · 19/02/2025 13:49

Grim. Can you go back to your own country with your child and stay with family? No way would I be sticking around with that creep. He's just telling you what you want to hear, you could never trust him again - and how could you ever have sex with him again?

Original poster
Enna0105 · 19/02/2025 16:28

He moved away for work, I am still in the uk. We see each other on alternate weekends where he will travel back or I would travel out. I caught him because my emails didn’t work on my phone so I used his old phone in the uk to check my emails and found his iCloud was still linked and caught him that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Enna0105 · 19/02/2025 16:29

We are not married and I no longer work. I live in his property in the uk. We have been together for 8 years

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 19/02/2025 16:29

Jesus what a wombat

Yes I'd divorce him

LIZS · 19/02/2025 16:30

Find a job and make a new life while he is away. It won't be just four times nor has he stopped.

mitogoshigg · 19/02/2025 16:31

If you aren't married, no joint asset then you can just move out, it's your choice

Original poster
Enna0105 · 19/02/2025 16:32

Not only that, the estate agent who got him the rental abroad in October has been messaging him since October. They have been going out for drinks and meals since October. He says it is purely business in case he buys a property in the future. He took her out in his car for a drive but said he lied because I am insecure and knew I wouldn’t approve.

OP posts:
ritasuebobtoo · 19/02/2025 16:40

Sounds like you need to move on, get rid of this awful man. It’s a shame you’re not married, financially speaking.
Though because you have a child you might be able to stay in his house for a while until you get sorted. You’ll need to get a job you can do whilst your child is at school (easier said than done, but possible).
He’ll have to pay child support, assuming his name is on the birth certificate.

purplecorkheart · 19/02/2025 16:52

Given all you say I would leave in a heartbeat. Have you somewhere to go?

Lavenderandbrown · 19/02/2025 16:58

I rarely respond to these threads because it is both too close to my own experience (18 yrs ago) and also so many knowledgeable MN do respond. Op leave him. Hes lying and you have already caught 2 lies…the massage and the estate agent. And there will be more. This is his character and how he chooses to live his life. Get a job start earning and I assure you.. you will become more confident you made the right decision as you build your new life for you and DC. This behavior will not stop.

snoopfroggy · 19/02/2025 17:05

No. Leave. Just that. Disgusting pig.

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