Sleepovers, new partners - what was your approach?

Walesmam23 · 2025-02-18T11:38:20+00:00

Morning all Just looking for some general thoughts on this subject from those who've experienced it. ExH has been with his GF for about 18 months, they got together within weeks of our split and she has been around our DC (7) right from the start. DC seems to have a muted relationship with her and never mentions her to me. DC doesn't sleep through the night, they have anxiety and really struggle with separation overnight. ExH messaged saying he was going to be having a sleepover with his GF and her son tonight, and this hasn't happened before. He said he'll be 'probably' be sharing a room with DC and will sleep on the floor if DC wakes in the night. ExH and his GF split up recently, he cheated on her, then she took him back.When they split he told me he didn't like how she was with DC and she was quite cold and angry and never bonded with DC, but now they are back together he says he made that all up. I don't know why but I just feel a bit unsettled by it. He said DC had 'begged' for a sleepover which I just can't see being the case but even if it is I don't know why but it just doesn't sit right. What did you do with new partners and staying the night etc? I know there's very little I can do to stop it but just wondered what helped you deal with the emotions around it... Thank you

Pinkdreams · 18/02/2025 19:47

It's not really your business to be honest, if it was the other way around you wouldn't like your ex telling you that you can't have your partner stay, it's not like he's just met her

PaperAeroplane · 18/02/2025 19:55

I can understand that you feel uneasy, especially as your ex has raised concerns over her parenting, back tracking and saying he made it to sounds like bullshit.
When I met my now husband his daughter was 5. Before meeting and definitely before sleeping over on nights she was with her dad, i phoned my husband's ex wife and we met up for a coffee. It put her mind at ease and we've had a great relationship ever since. It has everything to do with you, she is going to be sleeping in the same house as your child. How would your ex handle it if you asked to meet her?

goodnightssleepbenice · 18/02/2025 20:08

I wouldnt be happy in light of what he said about her , doubt that was made up. But unfortunately there is very little you can do about it .

Original poster

Walesmam23 · 18/02/2025 21:38

Pinkdreams · 18/02/2025 19:47

It's not really your business to be honest, if it was the other way around you wouldn't like your ex telling you that you can't have your partner stay, it's not like he's just met her

I think anything that involves my child is my business, and no I’m aware he hasn’t just met her and haven’t tried to stop it. I was merely asking how other people have dealt with uneasy feelings around it.

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Original poster

Walesmam23 · 18/02/2025 21:39

goodnightssleepbenice · 18/02/2025 20:08

I wouldnt be happy in light of what he said about her , doubt that was made up. But unfortunately there is very little you can do about it .

No there isn’t, and I haven’t, just wondered if other people had felt like that and how they’d dealt with it. I guess it’s just something I’ll have to get used to x

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Original poster

Walesmam23 · 18/02/2025 21:40

PaperAeroplane · 18/02/2025 19:55

I can understand that you feel uneasy, especially as your ex has raised concerns over her parenting, back tracking and saying he made it to sounds like bullshit.
When I met my now husband his daughter was 5. Before meeting and definitely before sleeping over on nights she was with her dad, i phoned my husband's ex wife and we met up for a coffee. It put her mind at ease and we've had a great relationship ever since. It has everything to do with you, she is going to be sleeping in the same house as your child. How would your ex handle it if you asked to meet her?

Thank you. I have met her, I actually knew her before they got together, but despite seeing her very regularly since they got together she has gone out of her way to avoid/blank me every time and she doesn’t speak to DC when they are with me, which I find odd.

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Snorlaxo · 18/02/2025 21:42

Keeping yourself distracted and crossing your fingers is the only way.

PaperAeroplane · 18/02/2025 21:50

Thank you. I have met her, I actually knew her before they got together, but despite seeing her very regularly since they got together she has gone out of her way to avoid/blank me every time and she doesn’t speak to DC when they are with me, which I find odd.
@Walesmam23
This would drive me insane, what if you were to speak with your ex alone.. lay your cards on the table and tell him the truth.. You don't believe him when he says he made up concerns about his girlfriend and because of that you need the communication between you and her to improve. You don't need to be best friends but she does need to grow up and acknowledge you as a mother. Your ex should want this too, it's all to benefit his child into feeling secure and safe in both households. Would he be willing to discuss this with you?

Original poster

Walesmam23 · 18/02/2025 22:18

PaperAeroplane · 18/02/2025 21:50

Thank you. I have met her, I actually knew her before they got together, but despite seeing her very regularly since they got together she has gone out of her way to avoid/blank me every time and she doesn’t speak to DC when they are with me, which I find odd.
@Walesmam23
This would drive me insane, what if you were to speak with your ex alone.. lay your cards on the table and tell him the truth.. You don't believe him when he says he made up concerns about his girlfriend and because of that you need the communication between you and her to improve. You don't need to be best friends but she does need to grow up and acknowledge you as a mother. Your ex should want this too, it's all to benefit his child into feeling secure and safe in both households. Would he be willing to discuss this with you?

I’ve raised it before, that I don’t feel it’s setting the right tone for her to so outwardly avoid and/or ignore me, but his opinion is it’s nothing to do with him, she doesn’t have to speak to me and if I’ve got a problem to speak to her about it!

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