Advice - infidelity, separation and assets

[FussInBoots]

Evening all
I am writing on behalf of a very close friend, who's reluctant to post herself, I have her permission to write to you all and she will read everything anonymously.
I want to start by saying she is a lovely person, so please read all before passing judgement and I ask you kindly to share your advice.
She was caught cheating by her husband. As soon as he asked the question, she was honest and admitted to the short affair.
Backstory - married for 10+ years with a son. Both work, although he earns more than her, they own a property with a large amount of equity with an outstanding mortgage.
Pretty much a loveless marriage, he was not attentive, and she sought love and comfort elsewhere.

Back to when it came out, he was understandably distraught, made all sorts of vile threats for example he wanted to re-establish her 'as his', I'll let you use you imagination here. He threatened to expose her to everyone unless she relinquished full details.
She has owned her wrongs from day one, moved out of the marital home and is staying at her father's house in a small room until she finds somewhere else for her and her son. She informed her family of the separation and the reasons for it along with telling her bosses as her husband was continually threatening to expose her. He is still threatening to tell the son if she goes anywhere near the other person again. There's been long standing control and coersive behaviour which she's just over looked for so many years. He's also terrible with finances.

She now finds herself with no money, no home and an unsure future whilst he is lavishing gifts on the son more so than ever.
What can she do about releasing equity when he is refusing to even look into the possibility? He's not playing fair and basically is too angry to have any discussion about the house. She doesn't want him to leave their home, but she has contributed just as much as he has.
Should she seek a financial advisor, a legal advisor or a divorce advisor?

She has fully accepted fault, she has never once denied it. She knows she did the final act to cause the breakdown of the marriage, and really speaking, she should have left him years ago, but she felt unloved, unwanted and didn't think she would survive on her own.

She's got a heart of gold, would do anything for anyone, it's so hard seeing her this worried about her future stability.

Side note... some details have been altered just in case.

The affair is irrelevant to the split of assets and all divorces are no fault if she’s in England. She needs to see a family lawyer and get the divorce sorted. Strange she hasn’t already but the sooner the better. Is she seeing her son?

Which country is she in? Scotland is different to England and Wales.

She's in Wales and yes, they're splitting the access with the son as evenly as possible around nursery pick ups, drop offs and sleep overs.

Doesn't the reason for separation dictate the next steps, or is it still classed as no fault here in Wales?

She's really after some solid advice, as she has no one to ask, and he seems to be pulling all the strings here.

No fault divorce

she needs to apply and start the ball rolling

mediation possibly to start discussions re finances.
she can apply online for the divorce and seek legal advice regarding what a possible split of assets may look like.,

she can always move back into the fmh ( appreciate that’s hard but legally she has the right to)

England and Wales have the new no fault divorce so it is based entirely on financial facts. It doesn't matter who did what.

Depending on length of marriage, assets on both sides, and housing needs of both, will determine the outcome. A longish marriage usually starts at 50/50 and both sides negotiate from that point. Personally I asked for more house equity instead of sharing his pension which he was happy about so find what works for you but the value should end up reasonably equal if childcare is 50/50.

Assets are equity from house(s), savings, investments, cars/bikes, expensive hobby items, pensions, bitcoin, art.

Form E is the financial document you will both need to fill in and swap over, you can download one from government website. It is long but most won't be applicable unless they are millionaires with multiple homes.

She needs a one off consultation with a family divorce solicitor who should give her a basic idea of her rights. Worth every penny so make sure she does this.

Just a reminder - divorce is in three parts. Admin (breaking of marital contract), finances, and children. The admin can be done online by herself. Finances need a solicitor or mediation (solicitor is best). Children can be done through mediation depending on age, or solicitor.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

Ah... I put a link to the government website. Hopefully they'll restore my post soon.

Regarding the marital home -
He buys her out.
She buys him out.
Sell it on the open market. A judge can enforce this so he cannot permantly refuse.

Thank you all, we appreciate your responses.
She hasn't sought any advice as of yet as she's frozen, and finds herself completely unstuck and doesn't know which way to turn.
He's refusing to get valuations on the property and is low balling the price for the house to keep the true equity down. He's not taking into consideration both of their pensions, the furniture in the house that they both own.
She has walked out with her clothes and a few photo frames and that is it.
She wasn't allowed to take any furniture out of the house.
Although she knows she could move back in, I think it's safer if she didn't, especially with the threats he was making.
What's the first steps she needs to do right now, I'm trying to help her but I've never been in this situation so I'm not sure what to say or do.

see a solicitor
apply online for divorce AND financial order
start complying form E- will be be expected to do the same

She can go online tonight and file for divorce. Book an appointment with a solicitor asap.

If he continues to threaten her and abuse her, she can speak to the police or Women's aid for more advice. It sounds as if her affair was a symptom and not a cause of their problems. He sounds vile and she is best off away from him.

Her very first step is to get a one off consultation with a divorce solicitor to find out her rights. If he continues to refuse to let valuers in etc then a judge can take that process away from him, same as agreeing to a sale. Unfortunately it does cost money and time but if he realises she knows what she is legally entitled to it might calm his bs down.

Knowledge is power.

She'll be looking at over a year before she gets any money in all likelihood. As others have said, she needs to start the divorce process.

Just to highlight what others are also noting -- when it comes to the divorce and the legal process, no-one will care why the couple is splitting. Divorce is no fault these days, but a lot of older information may talk about 'grounds' which is no longer relevant.

She needs to see a solicitor. Lots do free initial consultations but this will be general information and not specific to her exact situation.

Some solicitors will do the divorce work on the basis that they will take their fees from the divorce settlement so she might not have to pay upfront.

It's definitely worth her going via solicitors than trying to do it herself and he is clearly not going to "play fair".

Is she working? If they're splitting contact he won't be paying any child maintenance so she needs to go forward on the prospect that she won't receive any financial contributions from him until the divorce is finalised. A judge can enforce a sale if he is unwilling to buy her out.

She should report any threats of sexual violence etc to the police. If there is a record of abuse she might be able to avoid mediation and skip straight to court. It doesn't sound like he is willing to be reasonable via mediation and the mediation process can slow everything down.

No professional will give two hoots about her affair. They are not there to place judgement and they will have encountered much, much worse.