Separating with a 2 year old - how to navigate

[Mummapg1991]

Hi,
Looking for some advice please.
My partner and I have decided to separate and he has just moved out last weekend. We are on good terms and can spend time in each others company- we have just lost the spark and I guess are no longer attracted to each other.
We have a nearly 2 and 1/2 year old son whom we both want to make sure feels happy and safe during this transition. We have agreed the split regarding having our child etc however my ex has suggested that for the time being we do one day a week where both myself and our child go and stay with him so that he has the feel of ‘normality’ and gets to spend an evening with us together. I am happy to do this however my concern is whether this might confuse our child?
Does anyone have experience of this or any thoughts?
Many thanks

It’s a bad idea and will confuse your child. Normal is having 2 houses now so they need to no where they stand straight away. Also as soon as one of you meets someone else this arrangement would become a mess which would upset DC all over again.
Sounds more like you two haven’t fully decided what you what yet?

Is the only “overnight” the night your ex has suggested you should stay? I wonder if ex
dp is worried your dc will wake in the night feeling frightened and missing you.

Unless its a long journey maybe it would be better to build up to overnights instead, until dc and exdp feel comfortable?

@ToKittyornottoKitty hmm yes I am also thinking the same and my main concern is that LO will think I am always going to be staying with him. In terms of my ex and I, it’s a hard one because we have practically been living these last 2 years as flatmates. We get on well and can spend time together no problem, it’s jsut we often clash and have different views on things which is where our problems start so in terms of a future, we are better off not together.

@HabitHoarder tbh I don’t think he minds when we do it, LO one will be staying with more than just the nights I would stay so I do jsut think he wants to give our child that chance to have a night with us both there but understand this may jsut confuse him. My ex’s parents both left when he was around 7 and he says how he remembers being 5 and his parents taking him to the beach etc so he wants to give our child those same memories of having both his parents around. I think he’s dealing with his own conflict

I wouldn’t stay at your exes. You are setting yourself for a future potentially unsettling period for your son when there’s a reason why it can’t continue (new partners etc) Going to his together makes daddy’s house like a holiday hotel and that’s not right. He’ll be wondering why daddy doesn’t stay at yours. Pretending that you’re a family could also make him resistant to future changes like new partners because he’ll prefer the times that it’s his parents and him.

Is your ex a good parent ? Does he need you there to do the hard stuff like waking up at night and dealing with tantrums ? He won’t improve his parenting skills if you’re there.

Didn’t your exes trips with both parents leave him craving more and upset each time outings were with just one parent or with new partners? One period of being upset is “better” than having to deal with multiple periods of nagging and upset that he can’t get his way of both parents always together.