Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

50/50 childcare and ex wants to take kid on tour…

19 replies

Yellowband1982 · 16/02/2025 17:06

I got divorced 5 years ago and we have a 50/50 court ordered childcare arrangement, I have a son and a daughter and we each have them for fixed days in the week and then alternate weekends. things generally are amicable and work well and we flex days as and when required.

My youngest daughter is auditioning for a theatre tour (mum had previously set her up with an agent) and is fairly far down the process, if she is successful the tour will last 18 months, she is 11 years old so would mean being taken out of school (they provide schooling ect and I believe mum would have to go on tour with her)

As a dad who has 50/50 parenting rights, where do I stand? Can I refuse permission? Does/should get my permission before putting her up for future auditions ect?

Any held appreciated thanks all

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowband1982 · 16/02/2025 17:14

.

OP posts:
Candlesandmatches · 16/02/2025 17:15

Why would you refuse permission? If this is a good opportunity for your daughter and she wants to peruse a future career in the arts?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 16/02/2025 17:15

What's in the best interests of your daughter?

sunshineandshowers40 · 16/02/2025 17:16

Why wouldn't you want your daughter to take part in this amazing opportunity?

LittleRedRidingHoody · 16/02/2025 17:16

This sounds like a fantastic opportunity for her - do you think it's detrimental? Or are you just trying to assert dominance?

I understand feeling annoyed she's done it without consulting you. However it's a big conversation to have before it's even been offered!

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 16/02/2025 17:16

Sounds like an amazing opportunity.

sunshineandshowers40 · 16/02/2025 17:17

Would your son be with you?

ginasevern · 16/02/2025 17:17

This sounds like an amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity for your daughter and I doubt she'd ever forgive you if you blocked it. I would never speak to you again if you were my dad. So unless there's some hideous backstory or red flags that you haven't mentioned, I wouldn't block it to spite someone else or just because you can. Being a loving parent means doing the best for your child, not yourself. I really don't know your legal rights as regards permission etc although I imagine it would be required but why on earth would you want to deny your daughter this chance?

Grecianrainbow · 16/02/2025 17:17

If this is your daughter’s dream and she got in and you refused permission for her to go I’d imagine that would have a devastating effect on her relationship with you. You might win in court but she likely wouldn’t want anything to do with you.

user2848502016 · 16/02/2025 17:17

Failing to understand why you would object too?
Do you not think this is a good opportunity for your daughter?

Whinge · 16/02/2025 17:19

It sounds like a great opportunity for your daughter, but i'm curious to know where your son will live while your daughter and her mum are on tour?

Nameftgigb · 16/02/2025 17:20

You could try, but at 11 years old the court will now consider your daughter’s wishes on contact, and she can very much decide she wants her contact with you to be zero. Which is exactly what I’d do if you did that to me at that age

Nameftgigb · 16/02/2025 17:25

Grecianrainbow · 16/02/2025 17:17

If this is your daughter’s dream and she got in and you refused permission for her to go I’d imagine that would have a devastating effect on her relationship with you. You might win in court but she likely wouldn’t want anything to do with you.

He won’t win at court. If the mother seeks legal advice she will be told to ignore any ‘I don’t want my daughter to move schools or area’ case he may put against her, and go straight for the stopping contact altogether. She’ll tell her daughter that for now to say she doesn’t want to see her dad anymore, that way she can go on tour. At 9 years old the court ruled in my sister and nieces favour that she didn’t have to see her dad anymore, just because the niece at that age is old enough to decide for herself. I am also interested what’s happening with the son though

StormingNorman · 16/02/2025 17:26

Don’t you want this opportunity for your daughter? It could be career-making and at the very least set her up with some savings for when she’s older. Plus it would be an incredible opportunity.

This isn’t a “fairness” issue between you and your ex. If you were still married, it probably would have been your wife who went on tour with DD while you stayed behind.

What’s important is how you maximise your time with DD during the tour? Visit her in different tour locations. Do they get annual leave during the tour that you can holiday together? If you WFH, would you be allowed to tour while working?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/02/2025 17:26

Presumably she wouldn’t literally be on tour for every week of those 18-months, often for child actors there will be several cast in each role so that the children can have breaks. If she is successful at audition (and it doesn’t sound like that’s guaranteed at this stage) then you need to find out more about the touring schedule before you try and block her from the opportunity as there may be lots of breaks and opportunities for her to stay with you over the 18 months. It may also be that you could be there with her instead of her mother some of the time.

It would be an amazing opportunity for your DD and, if she is successful, presumably it’s-something she wants to do so you have to weigh that up when making a decision and consider your relationship with your daughter moving forward if you were to deny her the chance to do this. Ultimately you need to think about what is in your daughters best interests, both now and in the future, not just about your own ‘right’ to have her 50% of the time. This may be the sort of amazing opportunity for your daughter where you have to suck it up and accept you can’t have her 50% of the time and have to deal with seeing her during her breaks and FaceTiming etc because you know it’s a fantastic opportunity for her rather than deny her because you think your agreement to both have her 50% of the time takes priority. Make sure any decision you make is to support your daughter and not to spite your ex-wife.

RedToothBrush · 16/02/2025 17:28

Is this about you seeing 50:50 as the most important thing or is the opportunity worth facilitating?

If it's the latter and a real opportunity, then don't be the parent who prevents it so you get YOUR fair share

Do what centres your child's best interests.

YoYoFlo · 16/02/2025 17:32

What's your issue with this?

It sounds like an amazing opportunity for your daughter if she's into theatre and music.

If she wants to do it then I'd be working together with my ex to make every effort to enable this.

As pps have said, she won't be away for the entire 18m nor will she be working all that time - especially as child performers, there are rules about that sort of stuff. So plenty of time for your DD to come home or for you to go and see her.

millymollymoomoo · 16/02/2025 17:32

What will happen with your son ?
where us the tour ? ( you don’t need to answer but is it somewhere you could travel to a few times )
is this something your daughter wants?

JimHalpertsWife · 16/02/2025 17:35

Sounds like a great opportunity for your dd. Maybe you could tag team the chaperoning with your ex so that you get to go and support her too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread