Hello everyone,
I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out for some advice on a complex situation, so please bear with me as this is a bit lengthy.
My ex-partner and I separated in January 2019. We have a wonderful 9-year-old daughter together, but unfortunately, we never established a Child Arrangement Order (CAO) or went through mediation. He has not contributed financially to her upbringing, and there is an outstanding bill that the Child Maintenance Service is pursuing. While this financial aspect isn't my primary concern, it reflects his lack of commitment.
Initially, he was involved in our daughter's life, but his unreliability caused a lot of stress. He would often change plans, not communicate effectively, and make demands that we adjust our schedules to fit his. I tried to accommodate him for our daughter's sake, but by around 2022, I realized it was unsustainable. I've always been careful not to speak negatively about him to our daughter, but she began expressing her own concerns. She told me she didn't enjoy spending time with him due to his behavior, such as spanking her for accidents and reprimanding her for minor things. She feels scared of him because she never knows if he'll be kind or angry.
Last year, I stepped back and allowed our daughter to communicate with him via her iPad, so I wouldn't have to mediate. However, she has consistently refused to speak to him over the past year. This is partly because he would scold her for not calling him daily or not speaking in a certain way. I don't want to force her into something that makes her uncomfortable.
Things escalated recently when he unexpectedly showed up at our home, despite our previous conversation where I suggested he call and reconnect with our daughter. Instead, he attempted to force his way into our house and assaulted me and my partner. He was arrested and released on bail.
I'm planning to apply for a non-molestation order. I'm fortunate to be in a position where I can hire a solicitor and I don’t think he is in a position to do so. My question is: would obtaining a Child Arrangement Order help in this situation? If our daughter continues to refuse contact with him, I'm unsure how I could enforce court-mandated visits.
I'm sure I'm not the first person to face this, so any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your responses.