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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Parenting adult kids through ANOTHER divorced dad trauma

28 replies

NeverDoneParenting · 16/02/2025 12:01

Hi
My adult kids are desperate to see their dad by himself. He divorced me (having left us for his pregnant mistress), he has since divorced her - leaving another broken family in his wake. Now he has a new girlfriend who is, by all accounts, a serious narcissist. My kids loath her, their half sister loathes her, my ex's parents parents loath her ....
My youngest daughter is about to be 30. All she wants is a birthday dinner with her dad, her sister and I. Her dad refuses to understand that his new partner is not welcome on this occasion - she is so, so upset. The girls love their dad and miss seeing him, but he just doesn't get it.
This is the tip of the iceberg with this woman. I spend so much time offering solace, understanding and compassion to my girls (and ex's parents) that it is starting to affect me. The troubles this woman has wrought take up so much oxygen in my house, even though she is nothing to do with me.
I want to help, and I can't bear that my girls are STILL struggling with their mental health 15 years after our divorce. They are adults and can certainly speak their minds, but they don't want to lose their dad, they miss him in their lives. I want to give sound, loving advice - help!

OP posts:

SquawkerTexasRanger · 16/02/2025 14:56

LemonTT · 16/02/2025 13:01

Your daughter should focus on what she can control. Wanting to have dinner with her divorced mother and her father without their partners is expecting too much for most people. She set herself up and she set her father up and his girlfriend up. She created the drama in this situation when it could be avoided by simply not asking too much of others.

I hope you didn’t encourage her in this …..

Adults get to decide who they want to be with. There is no good way to break up people no matter how much you don’t like the new partner.

How would your daughter feel if others interfered with her choice of partner?

Im not saying that her father is making good choices. But he is an adult. He is allowed to make mistakes. There are boundaries in families. Your daughter needs to respect his. There is also something about an adult involving you of all people in his love life.

All of this.
Your daughter would also be better off that her father is unlikely to change and that the relationship with him that she has is as good as it’s going to get. She can try to speak to him about how she feels etc but it’s up to him to put in the effort and if he doesn’t she would be better off accepting it and focussing on her own life and happiness

SheridansPortSalut · 16/02/2025 15:03

You're blaming the wrong person. All of this is on him and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to fix it.

YellowRoom · 16/02/2025 15:05

It's so hard to recognise that a parent who is supposed to cherish and prioritise a child is actually a selfish twat who just looks out for himself. But your DDs are adults and need to deal with this loss and disappointment. Why does your DD want something that she's not going to get - she's set herself up to lose. Why are you talking to your ex's parents about him? You can support your DDs but you can't protect them from difficult emotions.

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