Discarded in 2 weeks!

[PinkGorilla]

I feel so hurt. My husband and I have been together 11yrs, married 6 and have 2 children. Within two weeks I've been dumped via email, had a new house bought for me and divorce papers filed out and paid for....all by him. He has ADHD, so is very impulsive, but even this is not normal surely?! I feel so disposable, uncared for. He's acting all nonchalant as though he's just signed a greeting card and tossed out a bag of rubbish. His parents are, as always in full support of him and not talking sense into him. He's their baby and what he wants, he gets. But surely even they should say to him to slow down and have empathy for me? We have been arguing lots the past few months, but only over silly things. There was no cheating or big financial worries etc. I don't think there's another woman, as when he's not at work, he's always home. Only sees his mates a couple of times a year and has no hobbies. I am in total shock, my world has been blown apart and I have no time to adjust. An offer was accepted on a house for me yesterday. I chose the house after husband's dad kept picking dives and I panicked for our future, but they rushed it forwards and bought it.

I don't think you should be accepting a house being bought for you without getting legal advice.

What do you want? You don't have to accept what you're being presented with. Divorce is a slow process and has to be accepted by the courts to ensure both parties are being treated fairly. Does your husband just expect you to move out? Why should he get his own way? Yes you can't stop him from divorcing you but it doesn't get to be all on his terms.

You chose another house within two weeks? You need legal advice on that so they don't sell it from under you.

There will be another woman.

He’s been planning this for a while. I’m sorry OP. Look after yourself.

We live on his family farm, so he needs to be here for work and obviously him and his dad own the farm we're on. The house they've put an offer on is lovely and worth half the value of our current house, I've had two different estate agents value it this week to make sure. I didn't want to pick a house this soon, but because it's so lovely and they are rushing me out, I didn't want to not show them it and then it get sold. I honestly really like the house and it's more expensive and much nicer than the ones they were picking. I will own it outright in my name with no mortgage. I just wish I had seen it in a couple of months time when I had time to get my head round everything.

I guess if you chose the house, it's tricky to then complain about it. You could go ask for more time, but it'll take a while for the sale to go through, so you might feel more ready by then.
Make sure you have good legal advice.

Make sure you protect yourself legally OP. Do you have a solicitor to make sure the house is definitely in your name etc.

Your husband and his family are not your friends, lawyer up.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be a huge shock. This is where the women of Mumsnet excel and will be able to give you more detailed help ❤️

Wow. I'm not surprised you feel ambushed. Obviously you need to be rock solid the house is in your name. See a lawyer about the divorce and make sure you're not being taken for a ride. What bastards planning this for some time. Look after yourself and your children.

The callousness of this is just appalling. Were there no warning signs? I would not want the kids living with the grandparents on their farm after this, how can you ever trust them again? Please be reassured this is highly unusual and most people are not such arseholes.

No warning signs other than the fact we've been arguing lots lately. But I had no conversation from him telling me how he felt and that he was thinking of ending it.. He's always been an oppositional type, so I guess maybe I just became blind to the warning signs and arguments became normal. But he just filed after one argument over something silly (they were never over anything particularly important) and then he's been on fast forward since. It's like he never loved me at all, he's so fine with it and even more chirpy than usual. Usually he's really antisocial and sits on his computer whenever he's not at work.

@PinkGorilla sits on his computer doing what? Online affair that has moved into the psychical world. Stay strong and sending you love xx

@PinkGorilla

Physical *

Hmmm might he have a new online romance?

Not that it matters, but it might explain why he's being so callous.

Take the house you chose and leave. You will be able to start healing once you’re in your own place.

I’d also be wary of him withdrawing the offer to buy the property outright. He’s already detached emotionally and seems happy to have “resolved” the situation so his feelings of responsibility towards you will only diminish over time.

All other financial arrangements need to be dealt with separately. Agree that the house is not in lieu of any claim on his savings, investments, pensions etc as these all need to be negotiated after proper valuations and disclosures.

I'm not sure. He never leaves the house when he's not at work on the farm and I made him show me his inbox (but I didn't read any messages) on Facebook messenger and WhatsApp to prove he wasn't messaging someone else. He told me I was weird for insisting on doing that, but what does he expect me to think with the way he's acting 😥

What has he said to your dc?

They don't know yet.

Make sure it is legally in writing that the new house is yours only as part of a separation agreement. Otherwise if the divorce isn't finalised for another few years he could then claim half the value of your new house.

Also, the normal rules for separation of assets are massively complicated by the fact that it's farming land. There are separate rules for farming land which trump the standard divorce rules . I know of someone in this situation, where the court cannot force sale of family home because it is on farm land.

You will need advice from a lawyer who understands this specific area of law.