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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Financial settlement help

15 replies

Evecob · 13/02/2025 14:54

Hi all,

I am in the cooling off period of our divorce. My stb ex husband is abusive and is currently on bail conditions not to contact me or come to house. I have been solely responsible for paying the mortgage and bills and looking after our 2 small children. We have a trial coming up next month for his assault on me.

Initially i spoke to a solicitor and she said my offer was the bare minimum and should probably start higher... but i would like some perspective after realising what his final salary pension is worth...

Husband:

  • 37.4K salary
  • 250k inheritence in 2024.
  • 5k cash inheritence plus some small savings
  • 2 pensions, 1 small defined contribution pension about 12k maybe, the other a final salary pension likely worth 113K

Me:

  • 44.5K salary
  • 22.5k pension
  • 6k savings

House equity - 90K
Mortgage left: 243K
Debts: student loan 50K (mine)
Joint debt: 5K car loan

We have both made and rejected offers once so far from eachother.

My offer was to keep the full house equity and to take over the mortgage in my sole name. Keep our own pensions to ourselves and he can keep his own inheritence. I keep the debts.

He rejected this and wants 55k of the house as well once the kids turn 19.

I didnt realise his pension was worth as much as it seems to be. I think i am well within my rights to ask for the full equity and maybe even for him to pay off the 5k car loan... can anyone else offer some perspective? He has a solicitor, i got advice hut am representing myself due to costs

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 13/02/2025 15:32

Was your student debt acquired pre marriage? Did he receive the inheritance after you had formally separated? How long was the marriage?
Potentially, your ex is being an idiot not accepting what you are offering,

Original poster
Evecob · 13/02/2025 15:55

The debt was acquired during the marriage. The inheritence was technically before separation. The family member died before we separated but was in probate after we separated..

OP posts:
Original poster
Evecob · 13/02/2025 15:56

We were together 13 years married for 11

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 13/02/2025 15:58

That's quite a large inheritance you're not making any claim on.

Original poster
Evecob · 13/02/2025 16:02

His argument is its a non marital asset.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 16:03

Inheritance is murky waters to be honest, there is an argument that inheritance’s do not form part of the pot for marital assets, courts have wide discretion here because actually inheritance’s are considered to be separate, they are not always and immediately on the table for sharing in divorce (and nor should they automatically be).

So if you take the inheritance off the table and look at what is left, you can then reassess what “fair” looks like. That is going to be the argument of his solicitor.

Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 16:07

With his inheritance money not on the table, you keeping all the equity isn’t “fair”, so I can see his point there.

You really need legal advice, you can’t afford not to have it ESPECIALLY if he does have it. You also need more info on pensions because they are not viewed the same as things like cash savings or house equity- 110k in equity is not valued or viewed the same as 112k pension.

Original poster
Evecob · 13/02/2025 16:07

Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 16:03

Inheritance is murky waters to be honest, there is an argument that inheritance’s do not form part of the pot for marital assets, courts have wide discretion here because actually inheritance’s are considered to be separate, they are not always and immediately on the table for sharing in divorce (and nor should they automatically be).

So if you take the inheritance off the table and look at what is left, you can then reassess what “fair” looks like. That is going to be the argument of his solicitor.

I agree. I believe offsetting his pension for the equity in the house is fair. The disparity in pensions is bigger than his equity share so surely thats fair ? I want to make sure im not selling myself short

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 16:12

Evecob · 13/02/2025 16:07

I agree. I believe offsetting his pension for the equity in the house is fair. The disparity in pensions is bigger than his equity share so surely thats fair ? I want to make sure im not selling myself short

Show quote history

It’s not as simple as that. Pensions are not viewed £1 for £1 the same as equity, £100k equity and £100k pension are not viewed the same way. There’s also the fact that pension is not cash money now.

Original poster
Evecob · 13/02/2025 16:37

Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 16:07

With his inheritance money not on the table, you keeping all the equity isn’t “fair”, so I can see his point there.

You really need legal advice, you can’t afford not to have it ESPECIALLY if he does have it. You also need more info on pensions because they are not viewed the same as things like cash savings or house equity- 110k in equity is not valued or viewed the same as 112k pension.

Its 90k equity.

His final salary pension is worth 113k he also has a smaller one i cant quite remember the amount of, but its likely to bring this up more..

Also note i am the sole carer for the children and have taken on all bills and mortgage.. that should work in my favor.

I did seek legal advice, i was told the judge would consider inheritence in being fair ensuring we both are able to suitably house ourselves etc.

I am not using a solicitor to send the letters as i have a mortgage bills and 2 children to look after..

Im.not sure what you are suggesting in your messages, are you saying i am being unreasonable?

OP posts:
D1ngledanglers · 13/02/2025 16:55

Splitting of finances is about meeting needs - ensuring you both have access to housing ; can cover living costs and have a pension.

his inheritance definitely plays a part in this as your h can then buy his own place. He has no “need” for the house equity. Whereas I assume you have no other way of funding? Wealthy relatives etc?

Go hardball. He’s been a mug to turn down your offer. See if you can spend on some more advice and a solicitor‘s letter to show him the hardball option. Considering the DV, do you not qualify for any legal aid?

millymollymoomoo · 13/02/2025 20:51

50% everything inc inheritance

Breakingthrough · 13/02/2025 22:58

If you’re a ‘needs’ case - which it sounds like you are - then his inheritance could absolutely form part of the pot. You should look at the total marital pot, including pensions and inheritance, see what an equal division looks like, and then see how much that can be diverged from while everyone’s needs still being met. Do NOT let him bully you into an assumption that his inheritance is not matrimonial. What he is offering is unfair, and just because he has a lawyer arguing for it does not mean it’s what the court would endorse.

Breakingthrough · 13/02/2025 23:01

exactly as @D1ngledanglers said - you might not be claiming a share of his inheritance, but he can’t pretend it doesn’t exist in terms of meeting his needs. If the inheritance allows him to meet his housing needs, then you have a case for retaining more of the equity to meet yours (and still having an equal division of pensions).

Original poster
Evecob · 14/02/2025 06:35

Thank you for the replies. I will stay firm on this

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