I’m scared and I’m not sure if it’s me overthinking it..

[Thisagainreally]

I’m in the middle of a very messy divorce. I left him over year ago due to him having a drink problem amongst other things, affair, awful to my mum and becoming increasingly unstable around the children, I could go on.

since the separation, I have had to deal with threats of violence, abusive messages, false reports to social services and nasty posts on social media, lies to anyone who will listen, basically changing the victim/abuser view to others. Even messaging my friends and family telling them not to believe anything I say about him. This got worse when I met someone else.

i have kept away from social media and 90% of people know we are separated due to all things he has posted on SM - he’s in his 50’s by the way!

Police were called and there is an order against him coming near the house, which has just sold, and me and children will be moving. One child still wants to see him so I will continue to facilitate that for her, despite the fact that he will still occasionally send awful messages and questions my youngest child about where I am and who I’m with if he knows I’ve gone out. My child hates it when he does this as it makes her feel uncomfortable - she is 11.

Here’s my most recent worry. I still have access to his music account and I was setting up my own and went in to his to find the songs I had on there to add them to my own account.

i found two new playlists, basically so many nasty songs about exes, I mean they’re awful. Talking about burying her, murder, ones about following her without her knowing… every one full of violence and abuse towards women. then there’s one about never taking him alive, again which is about murder and apologising to his mum.

it’s frightened me. At times he scares me because he turns so quick from being ok to being nasty. He was asked me to get back together but I have made it clear since the beginning that will never happen. He is also going on a survival course to learn out how to hunt and kill animals and it’s just making me uneasy.

Am I overthinking this? I don’t know if I should add it to the crime reference number just so there is a record? Or am I being over the top? He is a different person when he drinks so I can never be sure how he will act.

sorry that was so long! Thanks for reading

I think it would be an excellent idea to log all this with the police. If it comes to nothing…then ok. However if he kicks off and you have to call the police, then they’ll have all the info on file.

Id take a belt and braces approach.

Sorry you’re having to go through this.

Yes, definitely add it to the police file and also reach out for some advice from women’s support charities on how to best handle this. Wishing you all the best xx

Thank you ❤️

You know when you don’t know if you’re being ridiculous because he hasn’t actually done anything at the moment?

He’s made the playlists himself and I don’t know, just the level of violence is so high and it very much feels like it’s about me. His social media posts never named me but they were obvious to everyone (including his own family) who he was talking about. There’s just that little voice in the back of my head saying that this doesn’t feel right.

Unfortunately op I think you're right to be concerned. Are these songs he's written and recorded or a compliation he made of other artists?

I would log everything with police but I'd also ask if they have a specialist dv officer/ team as these exist in some areas so you can deal directly with them.

I'd link in with a dv charity for advice and support but I'd encourage your children to engage with them if they have youth workers too.

Your dd is 11 so almost gillick competent (can make own decisions around contact) but I think given what you've said and the fact he's utilising her to further abuse and stalk you i think it's important she has independent support and to be honest op I'd really be thinking carefully about whether you need to have a conversation with her about how safe it is for her to be at her dad's right now in a way that can't be construed as parental alienation.

I think it would be beneficial to do a risk assessment with a dv charity/ worker and a marac might also be useful. Mental health issues, addiction issues and abuse are a trifecta that are seen as higher risk indicators for homicide unfortunately so i think it's important you have as much specialised support around you as possible.

On another note, well done for taking the steps to leave and for being so strong in the face of all he's thrown at you.