Apologies in advance for such a long post.
My husband has applied for a stay on our divorce at a very late stage. I am sure it is nothing more than another stalling technique. I am not sure what grounds he has given to apply for the stay but he assured me (via parent communication app) that he intended to apply to halt things to “make my life as miserable as possible”.
Brief timeline
We separated in May 2024 after he threatened violence in front of our two youngest children (9 and 18, our 18 yr old is severely autistic and both were visibly distressed). I told him to leave, he screamed and swore at us all but finally went. He then accused me of assault for grabbing the house keys out of his hand and threatened to have me arrested at work and ruin my career (I was a teacher).
Since then, he has harassed me and my son from a prev relationship via email and text. Been abusive to and cut off our eldest child together and refused to see them with their younger siblings.
I sought advice from a domestic violence charity after my friend who is a social worker advised me the relationship had been coercively and financially controlling for years. He has never worked or helped around the house as he is always “ill”.
In June 2023 he told me to “sort the divorce”. I applied myself and we are at the conditional order stage with the final order date being 13th March. He has applied today for a stay on the divorce and I’m wondering if he has any chance of this being successful as I don’t know what grounds it is for.
After months of no contact other than occasional calls he asked to see the children in October. I agreed only if the eldest (aged 20) was there as the younger two are still wary of him after what they witnessed on the day he left. He reluctantly agreed to this and they spent a few hours with him. During this time he interrogated them about what I was doing, who I was seeing, where I was working…
A few months later he asked to have them over for Christmas but said the eldest was not invited. His sister (who I’ve always had a good relationship with and trust) would be there as he is living in her house. The children felt happy with this and we agreed to one night. When the children returned it was evident they were upset.
Over the course of a few hours they revealed he had sent his sister away shortly after they arrived and told the kids not to tell me via text. He then bombarded them with questions about me, told them details of our marriage including the lack of sex and told my 10 year old I had driven him to use porn and cheat on me towards the end of the marriage (while I was at work). He also told them I had been cheating with a colleague (not true).
I had found evidence of the cheating on his old laptop he left here when he left but didn’t care as I was glad to be rid of him and we hadn’t been intimate in years. Sleeping in separate rooms (my decision) for the past 5 years.
On the advice of my social worker friend I spoke to SS who advised me to cut contact as he behaved inappropriately. I have offered him contact only with our eldest present which he has refused.
I applied to the CMA for maintenance for the youngest two (18 year old in specialist college) and he is paying the minimum due to not working. There are no assets and we rent our home. He collected all his possessions back in June.
Additionally, he took himself off our joint tenancy behind my back and tried to get my housing officer to evict us (social housing) because I changed the locks on advice from SS and the domestic violence charity. My housing officer said he has sent harassing emails and made calls to him too.
Prior to the conditional order he applied for mediation to try and stall things. I attended the MIAM and very quickly the mediator said mediation would not be suitable and it was an attempt to control me and the children. My husband was furious about this.
Last week, following a call to the kids where he was emotionally blackmailing them by saying how much he misses them and is being stopped from seeing them by me. I informed him (via the parent message app) that he was the person preventing access to the kids by refusing to see them with our eldest daughter present. I suggested he apply for a court order if he is fussed about having proper access and the same with any financial order as there are no assets to split.
Today while I was at work I received notice of the stay on divorce and I understand it will now go to a court for them to decide if they can halt proceedings. When he threatened me about the stay a few weeks ago I rang the divorce service for advice and to put a note on the system to say I did not agree to it and reconciliation won’t be happening so anything to say I agree is not from me.
Does anyone have experience of this? Or have any idea if he is likely to be successful in stalling the divorce? I can’t afford a solicitor but have had a free legal advice session where I was told that I didn’t need to worry as I am not doing anything wrong and safeguarding my kids.
Thanks for reading and apologies again for such a long post!