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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Child arrangement order help

3 replies

Tes004 · 08/02/2025 18:38

Looking for some advise really -
a little background ,, separated and divorced 8 years ago - finalised child arrangement order 2 years ago - other parent went for full custody (didn’t get it) I went with Cafcass recommendations but then when judge didn’t give custody and then refused shared care - the other parent requested less than Cafcass-
a month into the new arrangement , 2 of the children were made to leave - 1 wasn’t allowed to return to the home for almost 5 months and was kicked off their family holiday - in November last year the same thing happened again and other parent said he won’t have them due to their behaviours - he randomly turns up on his ‘ordered’ weekends and demands to take them for a few hours - all children usually go -
this weekend he has collected them for the night but has now messaged me saying he thinks our 10 yr old should live with him - him and his partner has spoken to him and he apparently wants to try this.
currently trying to think with my head not heart.
first time in 3 months he has even bothered to have them over night when he was supposed to have them 3 nights fortnightly.
my question is - is it worth me doing a c79 for him to follow the order or if our son says he now wants to stay with him - will a judge ignore all emotional abuse and harm they have experienced and let him decide - he’s almost 11.
he breaks almost all the order and even wrote that the order is worthless he will do what he wants -
I guess I’m struggling to know if I should go back to court and will consequently bring more upset or if a family courts will take this seriously enough.
many experiences in this ?

OP posts:
Mooselooseinmyhoose · 08/02/2025 18:41

Gosh how tough. Honestly I would leave it. He has a court order hes not sticking to. A Judge isn't going to order more.

Just reply neutrally saying "i don't believe this is in child's best interests, we have a court order which should be adhered to".

If he wants a change let him pay the mediation costs and the issue fee only to lose all over again.

Tes004 · 08/02/2025 19:22

@Mooselooseinmyhoose thank you for your reply - I feel sick tbh knowing that I can’t do or say anything - I can’t stop the behaviour but equally I don’t want to cause them more upset taking him to court

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 09/02/2025 18:28

I really feel for you, and can see this pattern of behaviour being my future if I am honest.

Wait until the kids are home, let them decompress then speak to your 10year old alone. It could be he felt he had to agree, it's hard to disagree with anyone, never mind an adult, especially an adult as erratic as his dad.

I then would respond with what the PP suggested. Then dad came make the next move. It will probably end with Dad throwing his toys out of his pram again, maybe taking you to court. But seeing as contact hasn't been consistent that plays to your benefit. I would start documenting everything if you aren't already.

Feel for you. Bet you can't wait to have the kids home and safe again.

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