Mediation lies - wth do I do now?

[Walesmam23]

Hi all, I'm after some guidance on what to do after concluding mediation. ExH and I agreed a financial split in our latest mediation session after a couple of years of back and forth, I'm getting almost 40% of the joint pension pot (41k) and a small amount of global maintenance based on our income discrepancies (2% of his monthly income). We have no other assets.

Following our last session we carried out financial disclosure and on looking through his there are numerous discrepancies which make me believe he's earning additional income. Payments into his account from an unknown business, but none of these have been mentioned throughout negotiation nor referenced as income. There's also clearly another bank account which hasn't been disclosed at all.

We made an agreement that additional income would be included in child maintenance last year and he hasn't told me about any of this nor included it in the CMS calculation.

I cannot afford a lawyer, I earn a fifth of what he does. I don't believe we can continue down the mediation road as he's failed to disclose when requested so think my only option is solicitors and he will just brow beat me and cost me out of the process.

I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through similar and what they have done? Do I contact him and tell him I know he's lied? Do I leave it and just accept my lot and move on with my life. I'm so angry that he's been so arrogant about the whole process and believed himself to be untouchable.

Can you contact your mediator and ask for advice? Will they facilitate a further session where your ex is asked to explain the discrepancies with a view the revising the financial agreement?

Assuming you've not signed anything formal on the financial side then you can continue the mediation process until you're happy that you're being fairly treated.

I’m not sure I can help as I used a solicitor.

But she raised questions about anomalies after the Form E was completed by both of us. We both had to include a years worth of bank statements.

Her letter simply asked him to explain (prove), certain things. Ie. £10k leaving an account. She asked what this was for/or where it went to. She wanted receipts as proof. We had a joint loan outstanding from his relative, he said that this had been paid off. She wanted to see the bank transaction from the relatives account to our account. She wouldn’t just take ‘his word’ for it, although he kept telling us how offended he was at us doubting his integrity!

So perhaps you can forensically check and write a similar letter? Can the mediator help?

However, in my case my ex was such a manipulative bullshitter, I never got a proper answer. I gave up in the end and just settled for the money he was willing to concede. It wasn’t fair but it was enough to live on and saved me a lot of emotional grief.

So depending on your own mental state of health, your resilience, and how much money is involved in total - you may decide to pick your battles.

You should have done the disclosure BEFORE starting the discussion on division of assets, do something has gone wrong there.

You should then had the opportunity to ask him questions/challenge him again before making suggestions.

Did your mediator explain that the schedule of assets and liability is not legally privileged and that lying/omitting information is a illegal?

Thank you for the replies. We did a full breakdown of financials prior to mediation starting but then the bundle of ‘evidence’ only got sent through following the latest session where we agreed. My problem is that I’m so broken by all of this that I don’t know whether it’s worth fighting.

On the one hand this man has clearly lied to me, and the mediators. He made out that he didn’t want to see me struggle and wanted our daughter to have the same life here and there - yet and he very much has seen me struggle financially to support our daughter, have to move house, cut back on everything, rehome our family dog who she absolutely adored so I can work full time (I don’t have an issue with doing so but he wouldn’t help cover the cost of a dog walker/sitter and wouldn’t have the dog at his in the day even though he works from home), done all he can to conceal income rather than be honest and provide how he should (I’m talking about for our daughter only, not me) and I feel like an absolute mug for allowing myself to be in this position and want him to face the consequences of doing that.

On the other, I’ve come out with more than I thought I would based on how we’ve settled things (not what I’ve been advised I could get, but more than I thought as initially he said he’d give me nothing) and don’t want to throw what little money and, more importantly, energy against continuing to fight him. The mediator said the only thing I can do is request a further meeting to raise my concerns but to what end? He proves he has more income but then finds another way to hide it going forward I’d imagine, it’s all ‘extra’ work and so no way of me proving he’s doing it in future.

It just seems like no matter what hurt and chaos this man and his actions cause he will never have to face the consequences. Our daughter thinks he’s a hero because he’s able to buy her affection, and I’m the one consistently having to say no. I just feel so beaten with it all. Been to a dark place this week just feeling like she’d be better off with him as I can’t provide how he can and it’s just so hurtful. Ugh.

Hello, I'm not sure if I'm too late here so sorry if I am! I would contact Gavin Edmondson Solicitors ... he may be able to offer you some advice.. he's number 1 on review solicitors . I hope you are OK x