Recent seperation

[Lilmol18]

My husband told me 6 weeks ago he doesnt want to be married to me anymore and he doesn't love me. This came completely out of the blue. I am completely devasted and finding it hard to function.
We have 2 children together oldest knows what is happening
He refuses to move out and sleeps on the sofa. I have begged him to.move out so I can heal but he refuses

sorry it’s such a shock

has he said what he wants to happen? ( not that you have to agree)

do you own your house?
are you working
how old are the children?

Legal advice OP now. You need to get ahead, I know you are feeling in shock still but if you have joint assets etc you need to get legal help

Children are 13 and 9
Yes we both work
Yes we have joint mortgage
Solicitor told me he has a.legal right to stay in home even when we get divorce he can stay here.
It all seems crazy to me.he can do this and have it all his own way

Are you proceeding with the divorce? All you can do now is move forward.

I can't move forward all the time he is in the house
I see him every day

Your only other option is to move out yourself then.

Edited to add - moving forward with the divorce will also deal with the housing situation, in one way or another.

My ex did this to me. I got his family involved and they put pressure on him to leave. Can you do this?

my friends ex husband also did this. She badgered him until he couldn’t bear it anymore and left.

He can’t have it both ways .

also make sure you are not doing any washing for him etc.

he is being a selfish knob and showing no decency. Strength to you op! X

OP the question here is can you afford the mortgage on your own if he moves out? Because if not and you expect him to continue paying half the mortgage can he then also afford to house himself? This is the issue, despite the fact he doesn't want to move out.

The financial order will be the thing that sorts out what happens to the house, I think you might have not understood what the solicitor says. Yes you can be divorced and still be in the same house, the financial order is what determines the split of assets.

The only way to solve this is to start divorce and as part of this get the financial settlement done

that will work out what happens with the house and ultimately allow you both to move on

Both if you have the right to remain in it until those are done.

its hard but many couples have to do it while divorcing as they simply don’t have the money to rent elsewhere.

can you afford to buy him out?
can he afford to buy you out?

are there other assets? Pensions?
what are your earnings ?

these will guide you to a possible split to start negotiating. What does 50:50 look like ? Can either of you justify higher share ? Etc etc

Thank you for replies
I can't move out as can't afford to and this is the children's home. They have had enough upset without moving as well.
Do I have to go to court for financial order and do we have to be divorce for this.
I could afford to be here on my own I think he will have to pay some thing towards children ?

I am hoping that sleeping on the sofa will take its toll on him eventually
Family won't get involved

You need to spend some time educating yourself on divorce and financial separation - a divorce is a relatively straightforward legal severence of marriage, but a financial split is more complex. If you divorce withouth the financial split being agreed then all your assets are still linked.

If he moved out then he's not obliged to pay the mortgage - its a joint mortgage but that means you're equally liable to ensure payments are made, not that you both have to contribute 50% each. Yes, he would need to contribute maintenance towards the kids but that will depend on his income and if he has any shared time with them.

If he left and had to rent somewhere he could need to stop paying the mortgage so could you cope with that?

I say this as someone who has left her husband - I spent 9mths on the sofa trying to make it work and then moved out. We are fortunate that the mortgage is paid off but I can't afford to cover the other household bills as well as my own and rent, so he is having to pay them himself and me my own. I don't see that is particularly fair on him as it was my decision to move out but I physically can't afford anything more as I've had to furnish a new house too.

You can’t a financial order without divorce.

while you might be able to pay the mortgage and bills can you afford to buy out any share he’s due and pass affordability checks to take in the mortgage on your own?

he will need to pay cms unless he has the children 50/50

You don’t have to go to court for financial order but to avoid it you’d both need to agree it. A court would then still need to ratify it and sign it

if you can’t agree then the only way is for a court hearing

There is some information here about alternatives to court: resolution.org.uk/looking-for-help/splitting-up/your-process-options-for-divorce-and-dissolution/

You can start claiming child maintenance as soon as you seperate, even if he hasn't moved out, so put in a claim for that straight away