Negotiating on holidays with controlling ex?

[delboy1984]

Title says it all really.

Divorcing from my controlling ex. We share 50/50 custody of the children. She will not give me a straight answer about our custody dates over the school holidays. We've been to court and it's been decided that it'll be week on week off during the school holidays. I'd like to start making plans for Easter and the summer and I've asked her if we can come to an agreement. I've suggested something and she's said she'll need to look at her work deadlines and get back to me. It's always the same. I ask her for answers and she never gives them to me until the very last minute and so I can't arrange anything.

Does anyone know where I stand on this? The only thing in the court order was that it'll be one week on and one week off and that we need to negotiate but that's easier said than done when the other party won't communicate or give me a straight answer. I'm not sure why her work commitments should dictate what happens but I don't know what I can do about it?

Can you tell her that since she hasn't replied you're going to assume you have them for X dates and to let you know within a week if that's a problem, and if not you'll assume it's fine?

Well, TBH, I'd say go back and get a better court order, which describes exactly how this works...

Mine says that my ex is required to give 2 weeks notice of a proposed visit (we don't have 50/50).

Failing that, give her a timetable that suits/is fair, and stick with that - say that if you don't hear back within x weeks/x weeks before the start (whatever is reasonable) that you'll deem it accepted.

My now DH’s very controlling EW was exactly the same (she dictated absolutely everything and wouldn’t respond to him in order to control). He also had a contact order.

They do this to control.

He actually took this back to court with examples and the judge wrote it into the contact order that all requests had to be emailed & she had 48 hours to respond. If she didn’t respond within the 48 hours then the request was approved.

This put a stop to her silliness.

Back to court, get this tightened up.

Agree with PPs …. Perhaps say can she let you know by XX date otherwise you will take it she is happy with the proposed dates?

That’s not unreasonable and it shows you’ve given her opportunity to respond.