Another MIAM question

[Rocketman2]

So my H had been financially, emotionally and psychologically coercively controlling. We’ve been together 25 years. He’s narcissistic. He’s now acting the victim in our desperation despite still being with the woman he left us for. There’s alot of lies I’ve found about him that will make him look awful in court. I’ve tried to liaise out of court, as he’d begged me to. Now however I can’t take it anymore.

I’ve applied for divorce and been advised by my solicitor that due to his actions since separating, I should put a court application in. I’ve done this. H is even more the victim now.

im my first MIAM on zoom on Monday. What is it?? What do they want and how is this used?? I’m worried I’ll say or do something wrong that will ruin everything.

any advice gratefully received

MIAM is a mediation. It's impartial people who will see if your disagreements can be settled without court intervention.

Usually you have one alone first and then they say if they think you would benefit. There are joint sessions where you're on the link or in the room together or there are ones where mediator goes between the two.

No one can make you agree anything and nothing said or offered at MIAM can be used in final contested hearings.

Is it re finances or child arrangements? It helps to know what you're asking for first and if there are any areas you would compromise upon.

Hope that helps

Thank you for your response. It’s for financial settlement. It’s not an easy settlement due to exH having some complex business arrangements that haven’t been fully disclosed.

I'm not an expert by any stretch but in my experience family court processes are set up to try to get people to settle out of court as much as possible. The problem with this is if you have experienced coercive control the abuser will use the mediation to continue to exert power dynamics and abuse their target all over again. In some countries mediation can be avoided when there has been DV/coercive control as this kind of situation is recognised. You know this person best, but if they have not disclosed and have been financially controlling then mediation may be unlikely to have any impact - they will need the actual threat of a court hearing to disclose/act like a reasonable human being.