Five years ago, my ex moved out of our family home. We decided I’d stay with our two children to maintain stability, especially since our daughter was struggling with severe mental health issues, including ADHD, OCD, anxiety disorder, school refusal, and even a bout of psychosis. Over the years, she was home-tutored, attended learning facilities, and dealt with the trauma of her 12 year old friend’s suicide.
To support her, I worked part-time as yoga instructor, relying on my ex to pay the mortgage and me the rest. Recently, we agreed it was time to sell the house because I can no longer maintain it—most appliances and even the heating no longer work. Thankfully, my daughter is doing much better now and attending college part-time. The problem is, my ex is now taking me to court without trying to work things out first through a solicitor because I refuse to move out, put the house on the market and rent without a financial order being agreed. I can’t get a mortgage due to my limited income after years of prioritising our children’s care and it will take me a while to build my client base up, while my ex earns £75k more than I do and i now need to take out a crippling litigation loan. A 60/40 split would leave me struggling to rehome anywhere near the area where I work and live, while he could easily secure a much better property as he has been able to pursue a very successful career uninterrupted.
What’s really hurtful is that a long-time friend has implied I’m being unreasonable. She’s said things like, “I can see why he’s upset, having paid the mortgage for years and now you want over half the house,” and 'don't you think maybe you should just take the offer' anything over 60% seems unfair etc etc, and her husband has made similar remarks. It feels like they think I’m trying to take him to the cleaners, which couldn’t be further from the truth, I just want us to be able to rehome on a similar footing to him which is what my solicitor seems to think is only fair.
Should I bring this up with her? I hate feeling like I’m on trial or having to justify my position, but its hurtful given she has been there watching from the side-lines for the past 6 years and knows how difficult things have been for my daughter. Im also feeling like a bitch now, wondering if I am asking for too much or being unfair.