Need help solving finances

[JasBB]

Separated for 18 months now but struggling to figure out how to make our split work. Things are amicable for now, but tension is growing over the finances and the need to move on. Married 10 years, 2 DC 5 and 6. I have an adult child from a previous relationship who has moved abroad and is no longer financially dependent. I am 5 years older and we are both in our 40s.

Him: £90k salary, £100k pension
Me: £35k salary, £200k pension

he trained for a lot longer so has paid in to his pension for less time and has only just finished paying off his education debts. I worked more and in a slightly higher paying role before kids. I work 3-4 days a week and him full time, but I have our 2 DC 4 nights a week to cover his time in the office now that he’s been called back in 4 days a week. He was awful with the kids when we were together, but now does work very hard with them both, pitching in to take them to clubs and classes some evenings, doing school runs on his WFH day etc.

Home equity is £160k. Property value is around £260k.

I am currently in what was the family home and he is renting. He pays £750 pm in cm.

we both agree that I should try to keep the house, but I can only afford to stay here if I release a small amount of equity (£30k) and get some help from family. We live in a fairly cheap area and have short commutes, so he should be able to buy locally with that as a deposit. We have no savings, both run cheap cars.

That puts us at quite a big disparity in terms of the split. I’d be getting £330k in pension and home equity, he would be getting £130k. As he’s the higher earner he will earn more and make bigger pension contributions. I could work full time to increase my income, but then we’d have no way to look after our girls outside of school hours and definitely in school holidays.

any suggestions? if we split the house I would need to rent, which is more expensive. pension splits look messy. Keeping the house until the kids are older seems a long way off. I just want this done really.

thank you for any suggestions

Just my personal opinion - it's obviously up to you both to negotiate and agree.

I guess the starting point is 50:50 on all matrimonial assets - this includes equity in the house and pension, unless you can demonstrate that one or other of you contributed significantly to this prior to the marriage. You are doing 57% of the childcare and he is paying child maintenance to you, which probably seems fair given the disparity in salaries. If you want to stay in the house, then it's up to you to buy him out. Looks like a mortgage or using your pension is the only way of achieving this? I presume he will have housing needs to be met as well which will include the need to cater for your children.

One thing that's guaranteed in divorce negotiations is that both parties always think they're getting the worse deal. As do the solicitors representing them. So if both of you can stay open and flexible rather than having a set limit in mind, that's a good starting point.

That’s not a fair deal

you both have the sane housing needs - to accommodate yourselves and two children. Hid only getting 30k equity anc less pension is not a fair or reasonable outcome, you also need to look at what your full time salary is and expect to go full
time .this would also help your mortgage raising capacity. He’d also be paying you cms which offsets some of the income disparity. Your full tine would be what, £44kish ?

you should be looking at a more reasonable split of equity and pension less weighted towards you and more balanced. Maybe not exactly 50:50 but nearer to it than the current proposal. Maybe 50:50 on house and you both keep your own pensions. What does he think is a fairl split.?