Visitation and baby stranger danger

[GreatHiker]

Hi,
I've recently separated from baby's dad. Baby is 15 weeks. Combined breast and bottle fed. I am still in the home but want to move from a toxic environment. I'm moving 1 hour away. Dad sees baby every day and up to 6 hours consecutively at the weekend when he goes to his mums where he has been staying becauseof the break up. He wants to take him out to his parents when he sees him. They want the baby without mum and I feel bullied. I'm also alone and have no friends and family so I just feel drained. I'm worried about the baby developing anxiety and stranger danger. I'm a new mum and really dont know what to do. What period is ok to be separated from a baby? Should I tough it out because I want to prevent the baby from thinking he doesn't know dad or grandparents and have anxiety when he is visiting. When i move how much visitation should i give? Please help. Thanks

What’s the issue with baby spending time with their grandparents? It sounds nice and will give you a break.

Your baby won’t develop anxiety from being around familiar people with whom they have strong attachments - and the only way they develop strong attachments is through regular contact, little and often, as is currently being built. This is really the minimum you should be continuing with after you move. Unless you have some reason to believe your ex’s parents are a potential harm, him taking his child to visit them during his weekend morning / afternoon is totally normal - just as if would be if you were together and he did it to give you a break once a week.

If he’s seeing the baby every day currently then it sounds as though he’s very keen to be an involved dad. If you move away and start to obstruct that level of contact or refuse to facilitate it then you’re likely to end up with him pursuing legal avenues to ensure his access, and being separated from your child for longer periods as a result.

Don't move an hr away. Stay in the area. He sees his child every day, Don't ruin that.

As you're bottle feeding and baby is familiar with dad it's fine if there's no safety concerns (I would include a dog at the house as a safety concern at that age though if relevant)

If it's safe to now then you're better off doing it now while dad is seeing baby regularly. It will be easier for baby than starting it as a new routine when older and seeing dad less often.

However I would also factor in how baby is in the car, one of mine had reflux and screamed the whole time in the car seat so we didn't do long journeys unless essential, and a 1 hour journey involved multiple stops. Our other would have been fine. Just go by whether your baby will be OK rather than how you feel about it.

Of course you are anxious about being separated from your baby. I'd say that's completely normal with a 15 week old baby! All I can say is, try to think with your head and not with your instincts here - baby will be safe with grandparents. It's just your mum instincts shouting NO about it!

If you move you will be expected to travel to facilitate contact

I would say contact for more than 3 hours without mum from 6 months as that's normal going to nursery age

At the moment he sees baby everyday you should continue to facilitate that as much as possible. The courts like short and regular contact at that age. Extending at 6 months at nursery age and on starting solids. I had overnights put off until she was 4 years old and court were happy with that. We did one day/evening during the week from 3 and EOW where he dropped DD off and picked her up the next morning around the same time

His dad is as much a parent as you are, and should be able to take your shared child out without you. Does he tell you where you can take your baby? What would you say if he tried?

The best thing for your baby is for them to grow up with as many people as possible who love them.

As for "stranger danger" - that comes in when children start going out alone, not when they're with their parent.

Many children, including my own, go to nursery full time at 6 months old.

its natural for you to be a bit anxious, but baby will be fine and its positive for them to downs time with dad and grandparents ( assuming they are loving caring people like most are)

Not feasible whilst baby is being EBF.

Baby isn't being EBF

The stranger danger isn’t until 9 months plus, but they won’t be strangers as baby spends a lot of time with them.

They are not strangers.
he is entitled to see & spend time with his child .