Probably should have called time years ago but DH isn't fundamentally a bad person, just not equipped to deal with life. We have 2 autistic DC who can be challenging and DH himself is most likely neurodiverse. There's too much conflict of needs and I'm completely strung out trying to support all 3.
I have tried absolutely everything to make this work
- both working part time round each other = days with children to stressful
- I get a higher pay/stress job so can use all paid childcare = he still can't cope with home & drop offs
- I leave my job to be full time carer to DC = to stressful carrying full financial load
- I find an overnight job where I can cover almost all childcare & holidays, but need him to get up with the kids 3x a week = he still can't and I was coming home to chaos nearly every time.
I even supported him to have 3 months away from home, with no work or kid stress, in case it was burn out and to give him the space to work on himself and learn more about managing the children, he did non of those things and came back the same as he went. That was 6 months ago and there's nothing else I can do.
He's fine while the kids are fine but it's got to the point where I can't leave him alone with them because if I do then as soon as the tiniest thing happens he starts shouting, this triggers a meltdown in the kids which triggers a bigger meltdown in him, then everybody's shouting, we just can't go on like this.
Not sure what I'm asking really, we've had the conversation and both know it's time but just numb and not really sure what I should be doing. If you've made it through that wall of text then thanks, I think I really needed to get that out.