Financial Mediation

[Gatehouse77]

I had my first meeting today (MIAM) and feel frustrated and disappointed. I was hoping for some guidance in how to approach it and come to a fair solution.
Plus the cost of it £95 each for this meeting. £260 each for the next one and dropping to £160 each thereafter. I appreciate it’s cheaper than other options but I’m pissed off we get charged individually when the whole point is to do it together. And we’ve got to come up with the answers! I’ve no idea how to work out what I’ll need to live other than being mortgage free because I can’t see myself ever being in a position to get a mortgage.

Aside from the above rant, I also have a question. Are all loans, considered joint because we’re married even if they’re in his name only and I didn’t agree to it? Can I ask for it to be excluded from negotiations?

I’m (mildly) concerned I’ll agree to things just to move it on quickly. And trying so hard to not feel bitter.

Most of the time I am fine; confident this is the right decision for me, looking forward to living independently, etc. but still get waves of anger and resentment. All of which I expect is normal. What I don’t feel is sad anymore - that’s all passed. I’ve fully accepted the situation but can’t see how to work out the reality of it, if that makes sense?

Hi OP, loans in sole names aren't considered joint unless it can be proven the money was spent on the household/familu.

Loans are a grey area. What were they for

it will ultimately come down to what assets there are
what debts
what needs there are
earning potential both parties

The first thing you need to do is go and see a mortgage broker to evidence how much (if any) you can borrow.

Until you know this it is pointless trying to negotiate

With my current circumstances I would have no chance of a mortgage. The aim is to get enough to be mortgage free which is absolutely possible given the value of the house and how low this mortgage is (11% of the value). Which H agrees with. It’s more working out what it would cost to run a property without knowing how much I’ve got to spend on said property.
The majority of my financial contributions have been through (significant) inheritance but has enabled certain aspects of our lifestyle whilst H covered every day costs.

I’m feeling very fucked over at the moment but I accept it’s mostly down to lack of information and the state of limbo we’re in.

It's not enough to say you can't get a mortgage. You have to provide evidence that you tried to get one but failed.

Then negotiations can take place on that basis.

It’s impossible really for people to guide you as we don’t know done basic information. Eg your ages and earnings, assets available, pensions etc.

It’s the process I was hoping would give guidance not this forum.
I’m sure it will become clearer in time.

No problem. Over and out, so to speak.

MIAM is a total waste of time, I would get a lawyer to represent your best interests, they will be able to answer all your questions.

I sacked off mediation after 1 very expensive meeting. I couldn't see it working out cheaper than a solicitor at £260 each an hour, my solicitor was £230ph , working in my interests and could give me legal advice.
OP, find yourself a mortgage broker who specialises in adverse lending, I could borrow enough to keep the family home on a very low income and now I'm single I can claim universal credit.
It's a shit old time, but it will be over.

Oh, and the only guidance the mediator could give us was telling us to read the legal guidance around how the courts judge legal settlements.

The process will in many ways be guided by the answers and information as above, but will also depend on whether you can both agree.

you do t have to doend loads on solicitors arguing over stuff

buy it will depend whether you (both) have clear view if what there is to divide?’, are both realistic about a division, can both compromise. If you can’t do that then you’ll spend thousands dragging each other to court, doing full disclosure, form e snd ending up in a final hearing where a judge will decide.

there is lots of information online in regards process and principles to help

What did you actually do during the MIAM meeting? What was achieved?

I have had 2 mediation meetings 4 hours in total and all we have achieved is putting numbers into a spreadsheet and so far that has costed 2k I think the whole system is rigged to string things out to maximise fees it's a disgrace

My nephew's ex is trying to get him to pay half her student loan,which she took out in her own name before they married, to which she has never paid anything back and which will probably be written off anyway in a few years time unless she starts working more hours

Yep!

That's why I always say represent yourself and go straight to court for a financial hearing. The judge will be fair.

I would really like to believe that but when you hear ask the same question to 10 judges and you will get 10 different answers I'm not so sure