Separating with a baby

[HannahXlouise]

Hello I am looking for some advice.
I have a young baby, my partner and myself are struggling in our relationship. Things came to a head a couple of months ago and we are currently attending counselling, but it doesn’t seem to be helping my partner adjust to becoming a family of three. Overall things were great until baby arrived and his family especially his mother became completely overbearing and nasty when I tried to set healthy boundaries, with out going into all the reasons I was looking for advice on what I would realistically have to do if I decided to leave.
I don’t have family to stay with as my mother lives up north (highlands) I’m in Glasgow. She doesn’t have a spare room for me and my baby.
My partner said earns a very very comfortable wage and money isn’t an issue for him.
Before baby we have kept our finances completely separate and I would give him 40% of my wage towards the house costs.
He hadn’t contributed financially towards our child at all and I have spent all my savings on buying all the necessary baby things, I am on SMP and it’s running out in a few weeks, I don’t have any childcare and I can’t afford it if I went back full time. My partner said things will be bad for me if we break up. I am very stressed out as I don’t have any support or anyone to fall back on, I don’t know what my rights would be if I wanted to stay in the house we are living, as I can’t afford Deposit/Rent and money to furnish my own flat for my son and myself.
I called up a charity organisation and they said that the waiting list for a council house can take a long time and I’d be quicker getting a private let.
I know I have made a mistake by becoming financially reliant on my partner which has been a lesson learned but I genuinely don’t know what my next step would be.
Am I allowed to stay in the house I live with my baby?
would I need to stay in the Glasgow area or could I move home?
Im worried if I declared myself homeless that social services would become involved which I know isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Any advice would be appreciated!

You’ve said your mother doesn’t have a spare room for you and your baby. Apart from that, would she be supportive? Would you be housed faster in her area if you moved there?

Yes I think I would be and she would support me to an extent but she works full time with her own expenses and wouldn’t be able to financially help me.

The first year after having a baby is so so hard. The D word gets batted around alot but it does get better even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

The impact on thr baby and you with split custody etc needs to be considered too.

Obviously he needs to be financially supporting his child though and abusive situations shouldn't be excused.

Have you checked what help you might be entitled to if you’re single?

You need a good impartial friend or relative to talk this through with. You’ve given us no details, bar the money stuff which isn’t great but is sortable. The first year is horrendous. As pp have said separating 2 homes/ potential blended family in the future isn’t great either.

With due respect, you need to take a deep breath. The first year - or two - after the first baby are often very stressful on relationships. If things were great beforehand, you and your partner really should throw everything at trying to work through the issues. Many couples do get through these difficult periods and go on to have a great family life. I hope you and your partner do.

If you were separated, you would be entitled to UC and cb and he would need to pay child maintenance. You will get help with rent etc. there are grants to help, and you can take the baby stuff, buy a bed, other stuff will come/charity shops etc.

you don’t have automatic rights to stay where you are, who owns it or is on the tenancy? If him, then you will need to leave. Assuming not legally married?
you may get help with housing, can you start this process?