I can’t get rid of this feeling, the feeling that I’m about to ruin my husbands life by leaving him. I feel so terrible like I’m about to throw a grenade into my families life. I know he will hate my guts even though I am leaving due to his terrible behaviour. The difficulty is that he’s mellowed out as he’s gotten older and matured somewhat but I’ll never forget how he put me through hell for years, name calling, threats to physically hurt me, threats to take his own life multiple times and belittling/mocking/even threatening to physically harm me if I took our new baby away.
It’s now 14 years later and he’s calmed down, is on new medication but our marriage is over. Why do I feel so guilty? He’s been respectful and normal for quite a while now. I’m so scared of his reaction too.