Managing Difficult Emotions.

[Adifficultjourney]

I'm seperated and heading for divorce but waiting for a financial matter to fall into place. stbex is emotionally abusive. I have found out that he wasn't entirely honest during the beginning of our relationship. I'm sad that my long marriage has collapsed, envious of some of my peers who seem to be happily married (I know appearances can be deceptive) but many will be celebrating big anniversaries etc and making plans. Disappointed at the loss of my dreams for the future. Splitting of family unit (I have school age dc). Angry (particularly at the dishonesty). So much misdirected anger. All the stress involved including the present and future. I'm tired already and proceedings haven't even begun. Trying to stay on even keel for dc.

I am attending weekly therapy. Is there anything else that can help? Any tips for managing stress etc. I already do a fair bit of walking. Reading. Finding it difficult for my mind to focus. I have also not discounted anti-depressants but don't want to take them just yet. I have had quite a few bad dreams lately and I think it is my mind trying to process everything. Anyone?

I’m going through a similar situation and have found antidepressants helpful. I think the uncertainty is particularly stressful and I’ve decided against coming off them until the finances are sorted. I think the main thing is time though and realising this new life will be different to what I expected but maybe in a lot of ways better.

In a not to dissimilar situation, with ex now in a new relationship too. I feel like old healing wound has been opened up again. I am trawling the internet for resource to help process all of this. This is what friends tell me… it all about processing, processing, processing. I am also assured that I will come out the other side stronger, wiser and healed. I did find some great podcasts and articles by an American psychologist called dr Bobby - podcasts called Love Happiness and Success, one particularly pertinent to me was about how to deal with emotional impact of ex and his new partner. I think it’s a bit of CBT and a some science. It helped me think that I wasn’t going mad and also stopped me ruminating so much (which really isn’t great).
I realise I may need some antidepressants at some point, but I will see how it goes. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with normal
life and manage such emotions.
There are lots of us dealing with this and sharing how we are coping so important.

I haven't been through your exact situation but went through a very messy break up when I was in my early twenties, and what really helped me was a routine where I ALWAYS made something to look forward to every evening. Whether it was choosing a dish to cook, writing something on a blog, a particular film etc etc. İf I was having a friend over, I'd plan something to do after they left as well, as the emotions could hit after that. I wrote and planned each day out, hour by hour, at the beginning of each week, to keep me focused. İt didn't matter if I went off course, but it helped to go back to the plan when I did start to feel the emotions getting too much. Like you, I also walked a lot in the mornings, to get me ready for the day ahead.

I found spin class was great therapy followed afterwards by swimming

id do the spin class and come home and do yoga from YouTube if I’d not got time for a swim

also planning to rebuild

but the spin made everything seem ok to handle as the dopamine hit took over