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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help leaving my husband

7 replies

Moggi · 15/01/2025 08:32

Hi everyone,

I’m in a difficult situation and could really use some advice. I’ve been married for several years, and we have a 5-year-old daughter. Things have been tough in our relationship for a long time—there’s a significant imbalance in the mental and emotional load, and my husband’s temper and lack of patience (especially with our daughter) have left me feeling exhausted and unsupported.

I’ve decided that leaving is likely the best option for me and my daughter in the long run, but I’m struggling to figure out how to make it work financially. I have some debt to pay off first and want to ensure I can provide stability for her if I leave.

I own my house (with a mortgage) and earn £28k so I don’t think we’d be entitled to any universal credit as we don’t have any childcare costs now she’s in school. I’m not worried about him trying to take the house as I’ve paid the entire deposit myself using inheritance and while he is a nightmare I don’t think he would be that petty. We couldn’t downsize as the house is already tiny and the cheapest I could find. Also it’s near school.

I don’t drive, I don’t have any family that can help financially or practically and I think I would need to keep working full time which means two days in the office, we have a dog and I think I could arrange for someone to pop over and check on her in the day and I could potentially arrange after school club/playdates to cover these but that’s an extra expense.

I feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start, but I know staying in this situation isn’t healthy for me or her but I’m scared. Any help or guidance would mean so much.

Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/01/2025 09:18

It may be worth seeing a solicitor to get an idea of next steps OP because you’d need a financial agreement and assuming he has paid towards the house, it’s a marital asset, so your deposit if you protected it legally would be safe but he would be entitled to a % of it and his solicitor will tell him that.

Cazs818 · 15/01/2025 09:32

Did you secure your deposit legally? If not it will be spilt 50/50 along with any other assets

Snapncrackle · 15/01/2025 10:01

Even if you did secure your deposit your married so a judge can overlook that and !not take that into account when doing the financial order

Original poster
Moggi · 15/01/2025 10:13

I have spoken briefly with a solicitor (a friend) and because the mortgage and deeds are solely in my name and deposit paid for using non marital assets (money from the sale of my flat that was bought before we got married and inheritance) it’s unlikely he would be entitled to much, we also have only been married 3 years which means a court would lean towards us leaving with what we’ve put in rather than a 50/50 split. Worst case scenario I would have to buy him out once our daughter was older but again I just don’t think he would pursue this and try to take our home from us. He is not a bad man deep down, he’s just a bad husband.

OP posts:
raya223 · 15/01/2025 14:10

You should be entitled to universal credit. Go onto www.entitledto.co.uk this will show you what you could be entitled too. Good luck op, I am currently you going through something similar. In the Process of making the leap.

Mrsttcno1 · 15/01/2025 15:34

Moggi · 15/01/2025 10:13

I have spoken briefly with a solicitor (a friend) and because the mortgage and deeds are solely in my name and deposit paid for using non marital assets (money from the sale of my flat that was bought before we got married and inheritance) it’s unlikely he would be entitled to much, we also have only been married 3 years which means a court would lean towards us leaving with what we’ve put in rather than a 50/50 split. Worst case scenario I would have to buy him out once our daughter was older but again I just don’t think he would pursue this and try to take our home from us. He is not a bad man deep down, he’s just a bad husband.

You really need independent legal advice OP because this isn’t all accurate. You may get your deposit back but all other equity will be split, his solicitor would advise him of his entitlement and the court has to agree to your financial order- him walking away with nothing wouldn’t be fair and a judge could change the order to give him his fair %.

You also wouldn’t be given the option to keep the home indefinitely to buy him out years down the line, Mesher orders are very very rare now, so this isn’t really an option you can rely on. You’re married, he’s presumably paid mortgage payments, he’s entitled to a % of that house.

You both have to leave able to house yourselves, so if walking away with nothing means he cannot then it’s not fair and the judge wouldn’t sign off on that.

Original poster
Moggi · 17/01/2025 12:43

Mrsttcno1 · 15/01/2025 15:34

You really need independent legal advice OP because this isn’t all accurate. You may get your deposit back but all other equity will be split, his solicitor would advise him of his entitlement and the court has to agree to your financial order- him walking away with nothing wouldn’t be fair and a judge could change the order to give him his fair %.

You also wouldn’t be given the option to keep the home indefinitely to buy him out years down the line, Mesher orders are very very rare now, so this isn’t really an option you can rely on. You’re married, he’s presumably paid mortgage payments, he’s entitled to a % of that house.

You both have to leave able to house yourselves, so if walking away with nothing means he cannot then it’s not fair and the judge wouldn’t sign off on that.

Show quote history

Thanks so much - however this is the only thing I’m not asking for advice on. I am comfortable with the situation I’m in with the house. I don’t want to exposing about why I know it’s not an issue but it’s not and it’s not a concern of mine. He would easily be able to house himself.

OP posts:
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