Would I be crazy to suggest this?

[GlassHalfFull10]

I told husband in July that I was 100% over and that we needed to split. It's been a rollercoaster of hellish times since then. Anger, nastiness, blame, begging... but ultimately he is still not accepting it despite me having filed for divorce last year and not backing down at all in any conversation. He's putting in every barrier possible to telling the children and moving things on.

The main issue I face is living in this nightmare with him. I feel trapped and can't see any kind of solution any time soon, bar winning the lottery.

We live in an expensive part of London and all of our money is in the house. So I'd need it to be sold and then we buy two smaller houses (he is absolutely categorically against this but can suggest no other solution).

Could I suggest that I move out into a rented house for 1 year for which we share the cost. We are looking at £2.5-£3k/month plus bills unfortunately. I'm not sure he'd go for it but before I suggest it, I know I should check it's not the absolute worst thing I could do.

I know it's against advice to move out as it gives him control over my main asset, but I'm desperate. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

You need to seek legal advice but if you move out, you’re still obliged to pay half the mortgage of the marital home if your name is on it.
My FMH is for sale and I’m living in it with DC. Ex pays half the mortgage but nothing towards bills etc so it’s financially battering me.
He’s moved in with OW until this sells.
Horrific as it is, you either need to stick it out or move in with family/friends as I very much doubt he sounds like he would be willing to pay if you choose to move and rent.

Yes that sounds like a good compromise and you'd have separate accommodation for both of you that way

Contrary to what some people believe, there’s no inherent detriment to moving out: the marital home’s sale proceeds will still form part of the final settlement and the final settlement will be decided based on each of your needs - you don’t forgo equity because you needed to move out before the sale, and particularly not if you will have the children with you for the majority of the time.

Regarding the mortgage, the generally accepted arrangement is that the person who remains in the mortgaged home pays the full mortgage payment as a form of “rent” to the other for having exclusive use of the property. You’d then pay the rent on your own place from your own income. However, if things aren’t amicable and you can’t agree this, you have to be pretty sure that he wouldn’t simply underpay or stop paying the mortgage out of spite. Do you think he would? I also wouldn’t move towards any arrangement where you rely on him to help with your rent: you can’t force him to pay it and if he won’t accept things are over you risk him just not sending the money over.

Thanks so much and great advice. The mortgage payment is now very minimal and the rent would be considerably higher. I couldn’t afford it on my own. Will have to have a think and maybe consider some kind of signed agreement if this goes ahead. I am doubtful he’d actually agree to it but I might put it forward as an option. I don’t think I could do nesting as he’d leave both places in a tip and I’d spend my life cleaning and tidying two properties.

Don't forget you may be entitled to some help with your rent; Universal Credit for example. I was in a similar situation and just couldn't stay 'cohabiting' any longer, so had to move myself and the children out. I claimed UC and that contributed towards my ridiculously unreasonably high (compared to my mortgage at least) rent (and childcare that he refused to contribute towards).

Oh that is a good point, I’ll look into that, thanks so much. I need out and I can’t think of another way. My worry is that I’ll never get him out but I guess I will eventually!