What does your custody split look like?

[50l50]

Just that really, how do you split kids time? 50/50? 60/40? Days and hours for pick up, who drops off or picks up. Did kids settle or do they ever refuse to go? How to combat the struggle? Does it ever settle down?! How much child maintenance is suitable if deciding privately?

I have my kids 100% of the time, my ideal would have been 50/50 but he wasn’t interested in that.

There’s so many outcomes it completely depends on

ages of children
desite and ability both parents ( and older kids) fir 50:50
how close you live

mine were young teens and we lived close so they just came and went as they wish
friends do 50:50 week on /off, others it’s eow. some get on and do drop offs etc while some do it from
school

maintenance is the same. Some pay, some don’t, some use cms some just agree and that depends on both parents income and outgoings, their relationship and other factors.

My exh working hours mean 50/50 would never work.
We do eow and one night mid week.
My dh does the same with his dc too.
I think it works well for us all as the kids have a stable place to be for school and they have one main home.
I read a lot on here doing 50/50 though. It seems to be the new norm.
Growing up as a child from a split home I spend one night and day every weekend with my dad and that worked fine for me.
You do what is best for you and the children.

Same here.

I’m lucky that my ex is (a) reliable and reasonable and (b) lives nearby, but we do 50:50 - I have the same two nights each week, he has the other two nights, and then I have the kids Fridays to Sundays every other weekend. It works well for the kids as they know during the week where they’re going to be, and if there’s ever the rare night where I need to be somewhere when it’s his free night, we can usually arrange a swap.

Do you mind me asking how handovers work for this setup? It’s what I’m considering with my stbxp.

@AnonymousFish10 Usually one of us picks the younger one up from after school club when we have them that evening, so there’s no person to person handover (the older one’s more independent) but on holidays we just drop off at the other’s house - we get on well enough that we can do that and have a quick chat and it’s fine. Like I said, though, I’m lucky that we still get on well enough after the initial break-up - it’s a lot easier than a lot of people have to deal with.

EOW. He picks up from school on a Friday and I pick up from him on a Sunday afternoon. We're about an hour away from each other. It's pretty recent as separated last July so there was a spell where he would only pick up a bag from school/insisted on meeting in car parks but this was after I made the application to cms. We seem to have come out the other side now and generally able to agree swaps to suit family occasions. I have offered more, especially in the school holidays, but limited uptake so far.

Mine was meant to be XH had DD all day Monday, did nursery pick up and drop off on a Tuesday, and nursery drop off on a Thursday AM, then see her on a Sunday AM. No overnights (she was 2, he wasn't set up to have her overnight and didn't seem particularly keen). All of this was centered around his work (shifts).

In reality he can't seem to meet DD's needs (think not changing nappies regularly, not feeding her decent food, not encouraging her to drink and her avoiding using the toilet then having accidents/getting UTIs etc). I reduced his all day Monday and his Sunday to only 4-5 hours each day in one go maybe 14 months ago. DD is 4 now, and he hasn't asked to increase contact. She starts school in September and the Monday will then stop in term time. I don't plan to offer him extra time at weekends because I will also 'lose' my weekday off with her when she starts school too, and I'm not convinced it's in her best interests to spend more time with him and less with me right when school starts.

My mum has ended up stepping in and crafting a really nice relationship with DD. She has had her overnight a few times so I can go away for work/to a wedding. Ideally her dad would be able to do that but we've been split two years and he hasn't stepped up. Countless times I've missed out because I've put DD first, which doesn't seem to be a thing for him (often it's 'I can't do nursery run on X because I am doing Y, which means I have to sack off an hour of work to do it with two days notice), and I'm in a place now where 1) he needs to be pro active and drive his relationship with DD, because I'm not sure me pushing it is right and 2) if I don't think it's in her best interests, I won't support it.

I did get legal advice before reducing contact and stepping back a bit. I have no doubt it would be better for DD to have her dad play a more active role, but he doesn't step up and I won't try to force it, because I think the fallout will be bigger for DD further down the line.

Maintenance wise we got divorced so I got it written into the financial consent order. We went for what CMS say, reviewed each year based on salary, plus half of childcare costs. My XH waived his right to legal advice and I am not sure he has clocked yet that 'half of childcare costs' means half of after school club and holiday club, until she is out of education! I followed MN advice and got myself a very good solicitor as soon as we separated, and it was invaluable. We didn't go to court and it cost £1k for the consent order, for which he also paid half.

There are so many different variables… my kids are now 13 and 10 and their schedule looks very different compared to when they were 2 and 4!! When they were 2 and 4 they went Sunday overnight and Wednesday overnight. Now it’s closer to 50:50. We do live 1/2 a mile from each other.

Mine have a loose schedule but have a fair amount of autonomy to come and go as they please. We also change nights to enable kids free things or extra things with the kids. Mine also have a night each on their own with their Dad (and a night here on their own too)

Their Dad and I also ‘help’ each other out where we can. Sometimes our DC need to be in different places at the same time so we’ll both muck in regardless of who has the kids.

We do 50/50. While dd is at nursery we spilt the week sun-weds, weds-sat. We both worth shifts, so I have dd all day Sunday and Monday and then ex has her Friday and Saturday. She is at nursery Tues/Weds/Thurs. Works well but will probably be revisited when she is at school so that we alternate whole weekends. Still aiming for 50/50. Ex and I get on where co-parenting is concerned and we live in the same area so both those things help.

XH has 2 nights a week. One week Friday picks up from school and drops them to my house on Sunday afternoon. It would be great if we could make it a full weekend, but eldest isn't willing to stay with him longer. He's emotionally abusive and gets angry easily, 2 nights is about his limit for behaving half decently and eldesd DSs limit for coping with him. Second week he picks up Sunday afternoon, does Monday school runs and drops at school on Tuesday and I pick up. It's 2, 7, 2, 3. We did have a different pattern early on but had to move things as he wasn't willing to take kids to training, extracurriculars and friends houses.

We do 50/50.

3 nights at each currently, so that it's different every week as to where they are on which day. It's harder to juggle, and requires constant looking at the calendar to see what's what.

Ideally, I'd like to do the same days each week, and alternate weekends like a PP, @BabCNesbitt .
But, my issue with that is, for example, Mon & Tues are chaos - with after school clubs, activities. Weds & Thurs are empty, nothing after school. (We can't change this at all, it's just the way dice falls). It would be unfair for one parent to get trapped with going the hard, shitty days every week.