How long was the time period from separating to filing for divorce?

[ERM192224]

Just that really. He left out of the blue in spring last year and forced the separation really. We have 3 very young children. I've always wanted to reconcile, he isn't interested in working things out 'at the moment' but doesn't want a divorce even though isn't in love with me and doesn't want to be with me! I think it's clear that I will have to make the first move with divorce so he can blame me probably. I'm not ready to go ahead yet and there's probably no right or wrong answer but I'm just wondering how long after you separated did you go ahead and did you feel ready to do so?

I'm trying to get my head round this at the moment. He initiated the separation (hasn't moved out yet, he says he's looking for somewhere).

I find it hard to have lost all agency and I'm wondering whether to apply for the divorce now to get things underway and to have some say over the timing.

I'd like to hear people's thoughts on the pros and cons of getting on with it vs giving it more time.

I’d already seen a solicitor by the time I moved out, so I filed, and it was with him within a week.

Me - about four months, I initiated the separation but he wanted to do some couples counselling so that delayed it, mediation and financial settlement agreed within a couple of months so wrapped up within new time frames.

Dp - his wife said she'd fallen in love with someone else but couldn't decide who to be with in summer 2019, they had a "trial"separation in sprung 2020 when she moved out (he paid half her rent and 100% of the mortgage on the fmh where he remained), she has utterly mucked him about since and despite him applying for a divorce in autumn 2023, she didnt agree anything final financially at mediation, nor after 18 months of solicitor comms so despite applying for the divorce, I think it'll lapse and they'll have to apply for extra time before long.

Two years. I wanted to be sure I'd look back with no regrets. We tried.

He did try to come back, we even went on a couple of dates but with distance from him, and his behaviour during the split, he just wasn't a man I would have ever chosen. His OW was also always around.

My gut reaction to his comment ‘well it was on offer’, when I asked why he was asking to come back and why he'd just slept with OW meant a very easy ‘why would I want to be married to a man like him’.

He put the house on the market without me knowing and he set the divorce in motion.

If neither of you are ready or wanting to divorce, you may like to consider a legal separation instead. Whatever you decide, you need to take control of your own situation, don't be passive in this.

It sounds as if he is stringing you along. You are left behind doing most of the family grunt work and he's what? Off living the single life? Is there another woman/man in his life? Are you holding him to account with regard to equal childcare? Is he pulling his weight?

How are your finances and work situation @ERM192224? I initiated proceedings within six months as it took a while to get all the paperwork together. It took five years to sort out, mainly due to his slack behaviour with missing court deadlines etc, although Covid didn't do much to help the process either.

The financial order is more important in my opinion. My ex went into debt by an extra £5k from me leaving to going to court for the financial order. On a new dog and a holiday.

The starting point for her solicitor was that I pay half of this.

0 days. I filed for divorce the day I left him. I wouldn’t have chosen this but there were good reasons why I had to do this.