Separation and dating

[NewAmberBird]

My husband had an affair and left our home. He says he is no longer in contact with his affair partner and wants to date me but not yet move back in as he is “not ready for that” he is trying to sort himself out after becoming heavily reliant of alcohol during the split. Whist it sounds great and it’s desperately what I want is reconciliation I don’t feel the effort he is making is on par with where it should be and I’m not convinced as to the reason he can’t move back in. Any advice would be welcome

F that to be honest. Once a cheat, always a cheat. My ex said he wasn't in contact with his affair partner, played us both and had us both doing the 'pick me dance'. I would and did so anything to get him back, swingers clubs, threesomes, he had his fill then took her on holiday for a week leaving me with the kids.

Don't do it.

This doesn’t sound great at all…

He just wants to use you till he finds another...wake up

Whist it sounds great

No, it doesn't

He wants to use you and keep you on side in case he can't find anyone else

Don't demote yourself for the scraps he's giving you, he doesn't want to move back in plus he's a cheat and alcoholic.

He's still with her.

I think he is probably still seeing the woman.
It sounds like you are playing the pick me game. He is going to drag this out for as long as possible. He has you right where he wants you, sitting at home ready to have him back when he feels like it. Set some boundaries, maybe ask him to have a family dinner (assuming you have kids, if you don’t you need to end this nonsense ) once a week. Stop asking him to come home. Start going out with friends, find a hobby and live the single life for a while.
He has the upper hand, and you need to take control. Tell him you aren’t interested in dating him and would like see him once a week for dinner with the kids and he leaves after. Nothing more. If he wants you back make him work for it.

So, likely his affair partner dumped him so now he’s considering his options. He wants to keep you sweet in case nothing better comes along

unless he’s 100% remorseful, taking responsibility, having both individual and joint counselling to evaluate what went wrong and why he did it etc, that would be a big no from me

don’t waste your life on someone who values you so little

If he had an affair and wants to come back, he should basically be begging you to take him back, not asking to "date" you while he figures out what he wants.