Mediation zia zoom was awful

[whymewhyme]

I had to come off the screen, and she had to go between the two. His attitude was shocking, and he sniggered when he saw how little i earned. Then he said my 20yr old pony who our son loves and rides every weekend is an assest, he's got a knackered led and is a old man, honestly I didn't think he could get anymore pathetic.

Since the meeting i feel horrendously low, like really low. I was shaking , boiling hot,red in the favce, couldn't get my words out all because I had to look at him On screen.

I really don't want to do another session but I will ofcourse because this is holding up the divorce and I want rid.

I'm not telling you guys for any reason other than to just say it out loud, I got some nice and reassuring comments after my last post.

I didn't want to read and run. It is awful. I have my joint mediation by Zoom next week. I have been advised by a counsellor a few things to help me avoid losing my thoughts, crying uncontrollably. Maybe take some time to process what happened and then prepare yourself mentally.

I am trying to read up on as much about my rights as the low earner and career of our 4 children- 3 with SEN.

Also make statement notes and have them in front of you.

I am not able to confirm that
I will need to get back to you on that
I will seek legal advice etc.

Also every time you are asked a question / I was told you don't need to answer immediately.
Or you can take a deep breath and count to 5..

I have no idea how I will react but I now it is going to be hard. I just want to be done with this awful divorce, the money moving he hid and the debt I am in and the awful offer he made made me decide

Expect Nothing and Plan for everything.

I hope you're ok.

Gosh I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can tell you're very anxious but you sound prepared.

We don't have anything in the way of saving ect so it his pension and the equity of the house sale. He wants me to accept 5050 of the sale and leave his pension alone and I feel like just saying yes so its over with.

I used to cope with stress very well but since all the mind games and lieing and gaslighted I'm.not the same person I just go to pieces when it comes to him.

He's now grey rocking me and not replying to my emails about dc, I had to ring the school today to tell them I didn't even know if he was going to collect dc as it hadn't been confirmed, all day I worried and he did collect him. So just more games from him.

Thank you for replying btw

Is he going to be 50/50 with the children? How has your pension been affected by child rearing? I suppose you could make the leave my horse out of it and i will leave your pension alone kind of deal

Don't roll over

50/50 asset split is the starting point. If he wants you to not touch his pension.. which is an asset.. he needs to be offering you more than 50% of equity. I'm sure you know that.

My best advice from when I worked as a barrister was if they are saying something unreasonable to say OK well we don't agree so let's put it before a judge to decide.. amazing how quickly people back off when they know a knowledgeable 3rd party will be deciding.

It's just one more step down the road of being rid of him forever.

I would counter that the family pet, the pony, is a future liability and not an asset. What a weird approach to take.

Definitely don't accept only 50% of the house equity. What are your respective pension values?

My ex also had/has condescending nature and actually laughed at my ( well my lawyer suggested I ask for more ) initial proposal. So I've dug my heels in.

The so called asset is a old pony worth nothing and a ex racer who my mum brough and gifted to me, we got her off the meat man for 500quid Deffinently not worth leaving his pension for.

He was honestly awful, I have our child 98% of the time,he has him 1.5hrs for tea one night a week( I make him) and a Saturday or Sunday for 8.5hrs alternate weekends and no overnights. So 10/11hrs a week.

I had to laugh he pretended that he didn't know how much he money the solictor is holding for us from the house sale! I was looking at the email he was cc into. He just loved to look like the victim. The equity is only 50k

Get a piece of A4 card and tape it over his face on the monitor. You'll feel better jf you don't have to look any him!

That genius!

Maybe expect that everything he says is a lie & you don't need to address all the lies immediately. You can reply with "I need a day or 2 to produce evidence that shows that's incorrect." and move onto next issue that mediation is trying to tackle that day.

Don't settle until you know his pension value. Could be mega.