Co-parenting- do I need to tell the ex husband somebody is helping on school run?

[Baffers100]

Essentially, I am away for five days this year on a work trip overseas (sounds better than it is, trust me).

Officially divorced in December, moved out same sort of time. Kids are 50/50 between both parents homes.

When I am away, my partner has offered to do the school runs so he can help me out.
The ex-husband knows about my partner, the kids know him and love him too, it's not a 'new' relationship.

Do I need to tell the kids dad that I am away and that somebody else is helping on school runs?
My partner isn't their legal guardian of course.

I think I probably should do, but I am anticipating my EH being an arse because that's his thing, and this being something I get grief over. I also don't want to suggest he has the kids that week and I pay for the additional wrap around care because I am sort of in his debt and I know that will come to bite me in the butt sooner or later too.

You have to let their Dad know you are out of the country and someone else is looking after the children. If anyone gets ill/has an accident he’d have to be contacted, better he knows in advance than finds out in an emergency.

Wouldn't you expect to know if it was the other way round?

How long has partner been on the scene? I would have thought partner staying overnight without you was bigger than doing the school run

I’m confused, who is actually caring for the kids when you’re away?

Is your partner looking after them while you’re away? If so, why is the school run the part of this that you’re focussing on?

I guess knowing the background is helpful before judging.

Moved out Nov. Partner helping in February.
Left a marriage I was abused and raped post-partum.
Divorcing took 27 months.

So yes, may look like I moved on rather quickly but I haven't. Partner has known me for a long time and the kids since birth.

Plan was to move out and get the kids settled first but my eldest actually said to him "you should go out with my mum because she's' happy with you and I like to see her happy" and so our plans changed.

Ex husband has since been told I am away and he's thankful somebody else is caring for the kids in my absence. Saves him having to parent/ ignore them while he stares at his phone.

I'm also only away from the kids for 2 days- technically out of the country for 5, but only the first two of those five days are mummy days. I'm then back in time to have them for the weekend.

Other half dotes on them and they love spending time with him. We have the same ideology aroud parenting- use of phones/ devices. firm bedtimes and hygiene. The kids get little structure at their dads as it was always left to me, The kids also say their dad does nothing with them as he's on his phone. They don't like reading school books to him (5 year old) or doing homework there (9).

Dad hasn't been amicable. Was rather happy throwing my stuff on the drive when the kids were in the car on a swap day, and so we share with each-other what we need to for the kids but that's it.

I told him I'd be away and he acted all put out. I said my parent would be happy to stay at mine and look after the kids and his response was "ah, good."

Yes him staying over may seem quick but the children love having him here. My kids ask where he is when he's not here and ask if we can invite him for dinner and ask him to stay. Yes it's quick but I honestly think they love having a male role model who actually spends time with them and doesn't just park them infront of the telly.

We don't yet have a consent order covering the children. Took 27 months or something mad and £15k to get the financial order sorted, and in all this time despite him having a 14 page child arrangement plan from me, he never took the time to read it. Plan was to get this approved via mediation but my solicitor advised me to hold off until the FO was sorted and pick up the CA after. I a

I think people were more confused as to why you were concentrating on the school run aspect of it when actually your partner was going to be looking after them the entire time you’re away.
Actually ignore that, just saw your parents will be looking after them. That makes more sense.

I'm sure you have your kids best interests at heart but it's not a competition ie. "My ex was terrible new partner is great". At the end of the day you left in Nov and in Feb your DP is doing the school run. Our children watch how we behave. It sounds awful, really traumatic what you went through and I hope your recovery is going well but I think maybe you should live with just your children for a while. You are the parent and while they like him they shouldn't dictate who stays over. Maybe they need to see you not enjoying relying on a partner. I genuinely wish you well after everything you have experienced.

*don't know why it says enjoying

I know, but the children also say me sleeping in the spare room for more than two years, the first six months on an inflatable airbed. The children heard their dad confess to me locking me out of the house too.

In all honestly, going from being in that spare room on my own for so long, I am really struggling with sharing my space now so I have no plans on living together anytime soon. The priority is absolutely me and them and us making happy memories together. Even days out when I lived 'there' were hard because the happy face was a cover up.

I really do try not to rely on other people too. I'm stupidly independent usually but this is enabling me to travel for work and I am thankful for the support. The kids will be in safe hands too.