Wise advice - mediation - STBXH financial control

[Itsnotmyjobtoeducatestupid]

I don’t want to drip feed so I’ll be succinct: STBXH financial offer was rejected by my lawyers:
am waiting for a pension sharing report as I was a SAHM for 17 years he’s a higher earner with properties, wealth and money that was moved and hidden the minute he filed for divorce: his claim is that I bought no wealth in the marriage despite caring for our 4 children including our disabled son. We are trying financial mediation but I already have MIAM form for court as the mediator said he cannot exclude his pension and former marital home which he is now in and I am in the main family home - both mortgage free: he was abusive and I have the domestic abuse team/ family support team etc all involved- the financial mediation meeting is in a few days. He has refused to discuss anything financial and engage with me despite me desperately trying to get him to be at least fair- but he’s moved on with his new partner, travelling and buying a new car while I am nearly £35k in debt trying to pay bills and also legal fees. My question is: when we have the financial mediation I have nothing to offer him. I and my solicitor agrees it needs to go to court but we have to show that we at least tried mediation. He makes me feel small and belittled - do I just not say anything, go through the motions so I can get to court. My solicitor has said she’d prefer it to be settled out of court to minimise costs but she also said he’s not playing fair at all and if mediation means he’s more open we can move things on. It’s been hard as I am dealing with my elder two who r struggling with anxiety and my dd self harming so am trying to manage this without any input from him. I feel so worried - sorry to bother you all who have your own cross to bare I just want some words of help / advise etc

Mediation is never advised with a relationship where there's been abuse, you should skip straight to court.

There's a massive backlog in family court, so you need to get that process moving ASAP, mediation will be a waste of time as he won't agree to anything sensible; he's not a sensible man.

Push for court, ask for a screen to separate you within it, so you don't have to actually look at him.

In the notes that are given to the judge prior to the hearing it can be explained that there was domestic abuse which makes mediation unsuitable for your case, so don't think you will be penalised for this.

Caring for FOUR DC, including one with additional needs has huge value, please don't diminish your input into the relationship.

He needs to complete the Form E (as do you) listing everything of value and you're likely to get more than half due to you being the primary parent and having your career curtailed by the care you provide. Don't be fobbed off with anything less.

I just want to say I understand how you feel.

I have just gone through a long and difficult divorce after 40years with an abusive husband.

It is and will be very difficult. They only want to hang on to ‘their’ money and dismiss everything you have ever done in the relationship. All you can do is hang on and listen to your solicitor.

My ex twisted and lied about so many things. There was no chance of mediation with him.

One day it will be over and your life will be your own again. You are in a very difficult situation and have the added worries of your four children.

I found some small comfort in knowing that my adult child knew how shit her dad was and I know I come first with her.

while it was going on I sought as much help as I could - Freedom Program, therapy, Flag DV etc, etc.

My ex’s Pension turned out larger than I expected - I’m now quite comfortable with my 50/50.

Oh thank you so much for your words of wisd and answering. I received the forensic accountant report on Friday regarding his Form E questions - still reeling from the amount he’s been hiding or things not adding up.

You sound so wise after what you have been through. Thank you I will msg properly am just sorting youngest out