How do I calculate what I need for final settlement?

[Rocketman2]

I’ve been a SAHM and married for 26years. My H got caught having an affair by my children. The way he’s handled matters since has been despicable at best.

I want final settlement and divorce but don’t know where to start on proposals. My solicitor has asked me what I feel I want or need. But where do I start??

the family home is up for sale (I’m currently living in it while H is living with his girlfriend - the affair). I will need to move as I couldn’t afford to stay here. I love my home and spent years making it lovely for our family but I know ill need to loose it.

I have been desperate to work all our marriage and did as and when I could but due to H working long hours, and our DC having a life threatening illness, on top of no family near by, it was unsustainable.

what can I expect to get, or at least ask for?

It starts at 50/50 I think - the affair/who's at fault doesn't come into it unfortunately. So 50% of equity, 50% of savings, 50% of pensions. Then you might be entitled to more based on the impact being a SAHM has had on your career/earnings. But your solicitor will be able to give more advice.

Sorry OP, this sounds shit 💐

Your solicitor doesn’t sound very good, they should be looking at what you both have and telling you what you might be entitled to not asking you what you want or need

Well, 50/50 is the usual start. Having not worked for 26 years, depending on the ages of the children, there may be reason for his side to ask why you've not built your own pension pot / career once the children are at school, however I don't know the specifics - it could be that you've a disabled child to care for, or your children's births may spread far across those 26 years.

My solicitor has told me that I could expect a share of the house and then possibly a spousal maintenance but I should be thinking whether I would benefit more from a lump sum instead of monthly payments. But I need to work out what that model would look like in terms of securing enough to live off

I’m no expert on the legality, but I think a clean break can be beneficial mentally. So a lump sum payout for you to start a fresh and move on rather than ongoing maintenance and a ‘tie’ to him

You should be seeing an IFA as a start, they can model different financial scenarios. You have a strong case to argue more than 50% as you don't have your ex's mortgage raising power.

I don't see what could be gained by her ex asking why she hasn't made pension contributions. That's a family joint decision and, if you've not been working, limited to £3,600 of contributions in any one tax year.

Which part of the UK are you in?

You need to look at all of your assets (including pensions), then your needs.

How much equity is in the house? How much are pensions worth? Any other assets?

How much money do you need to rehouse?

How much do you need for your day to day costs? How much can you earn?

Is your child still living with/dependent on you?

It seems your ex doesn’t have the same need as you for housing, as he has his housing needs met. The court would expect you to work, within reason. Also consider benefits (apply for universal credit now).

Most likely he will have to share his pensions with you.

How old are the kids, how old is he and how old are you?
Are you able to find a job and work full time? How much would you earn?
Your earning potential is taken into account, as well as age because of pension.
You could get more than 50/50 depending on how much is in the pot. I believe it's in your interest to ask for more % in lieu of maintenance payments, and if there is enough cash and equity, I would also try to get more of those in exchange for not touching his pension.

I would personally prefer a lump sum of capitalised maintenance and clean break. Otherwise you’re at risk of it being varied if he loses his job or gets sick etc, it gives him power to do all sorts of messing about with this.

The lump sum is only a good idea if your earning power is enough that you are unlikely to need to claim Universal Credit in the next few decades.
Otherwise, I think the lump sum could take you over the capital limit for UC, whereas regular maintenance does not affect UC.
Get this possibility checked out by a benefits expert.

Do you have a proper career or could you train for one?
How reliable is exDH likely to be with paying maintenance? CMS can take it straight from his earnings, but this won't work if he is self employed.

I suppose you need to ascertain what the assets are first and what you think you will need going forward. Are your children grown up now? The starting point is 50/50 but you need to take advice on your circumstances

My solicitor gave me a spreadsheet to fill out, I based my needs on current needs.

The trouble with monthly payments is that if his circumstances change, they can be revised downwards. You need to think about old age and not living in penury if you don't have enough time to build a pension pot up.

Your start point will be 50% of house equity and 50% of his pension fund and any savings / investments. You can trade pension for house if you need more now and will be inheriting later (as an example).

I’ve divorced recently.

There is an expectation of 50/50 (depending on children’s ages and shared parenting).

But usually you will need to fill in a Form E - this is a list of all assets that you both have.

The form E also asks for a list of your living costs - I am presuming this is what your solicitor is asking for. This may not be especially relevant if it’s a straight 50/50 split but it still needs completing.

My solicitor gave me a list to help me out. Eg heating bills to holidays. A good starting point is to go through last years bill and add anything that might become relevant in the future.

Look up Wikivorce and pull up the Form E so you know what info you will need.

Child maintenance doesn't effect UC but spousal maintenance is counted as unearned income and so has the maximum dedication and reduces UC pound for pound. If the lump sum goes into a house purchase within the required time frame it shouldn't effect UC.

Apologies, I was distracted when posting and skipped the detail on why you've not worked. I tried to the further edit my post but it won't let me.

Op - are you confident you have full disclosure of your STBXHs finances to be able to estimate accurately? That's your starting point. He needs to have prepped Form E and you should cross reference this against knowledge/ evidence you have of accounts and pensions. Look for any omissions and payments out to other accounts. Be prepared for him to have intentionally hidden assets.

As others have said, the starting point then is 50-50 of ALL assets (accounts/ equity/ savings and all pensions & assets like cars etc) if needs can be met and there are no extenuating factors. Mortgage raising capacity will be key so income and job prospects aré important factors. You will be expected to work if caring responsibilities allow. If you are the default parent and especially if you are caring for an ill/ disabled/ special needs child then this will impact the division on housing as children's needs come first. Keeping the status quo for the children should be a focus, ie continuation of education settings/ friendships/ access to wider family and hobbies.

A settlement proposal should have 3 strands - 1) equity split and timescales for house transfer or sale 2) pensions 3) other assets.

In my case I had a (much) lower income and mortgage raising capacity than my ex due to caring responsibilities and a period of p/t work which impacted my career and the children mostly lived with me. This resulted in an equity share in my favour. Separately we were instructed to obtain an actuary report to assess pensions. This gives a view on equalising income at state retirement age. From this the judge made pension sharing orders in my favour, ie my ex had to transfer some of his pension assets to me. Finally, as key exams were imminent the judge allowed the children and I to remain in the family home until the youngest finished 6th form with me meeting all the associated costs. if I had accepted my ex husbands suggested settlement proposals before going the court route the children & I would have been considerably worse off. It was brutal but I needed to persist. I should add that he ended up spending ££££ on legal costs and I self represented with some legal advice in the background and endless self research. What this hopefully illustrates is that 50-50 is not a given outcome when it is not considered child centred or fair. So fight your corner. It's your children who will suffer if you don't. So sorry you are going through this but there is peace and happiness at the other end of the tunnel. Just take it a day at a time.

Thank you all so much.

I have filled in Form E. He did too and not surprisingly, left a few bits out, namely bonus payments etc.

my legal fees are astronomical but equally I believe without them, I stand to loose everything. It’s such a scary place to be right now

Not if she invests the lump sum into a home.

If you are on a court schedule you can ask for copies of anything and everything ahead of FDR if it is relevant. You can certainly ask for P60s going back several years - this would show total income including bonuses. It's also useful to track P60s for you to highlight divergence if you gave up a career and he benefitted from you being at home or p/t.

There is an awful lot you can prepare yourself to cut down legal costs but appreciate how vulnerable the whole thing makes you feel.