Advice please

[Xonfused1981]

im separating from my husband after 25 years just I’ve just fallen out of love we own our house and have four beautiful children.

he can’t afford to move out so he wants me to move out along side our four children. He wants to stay at the property for 5 years as we have just remortgaged and he will lose money if we put the house on the market. Which I think is unreasonable as I will still be attached to the property and married to him for the next five years.

he suggested having the kids every two weeks with him and I have them the rest of the time. Which I’m not happy about. Any repairs on our house whatever he spends he wants me to go half’s even thou I might not be living there is he being unreasonable. Should I stand my ground with the property or do I move out and rent somewhere as the situation is becoming really complicated us both living together. I’ve become very quiet and at a loss of what to to. I do think he should move out so the kids can stay in there family home.

any advice would be appreciated

This all depends on the ages of your children. Your ages, your incomes, the equity in the house, and how much it will cost you to find an additional home. But you definitely need legal advice.

16, 13, twins who are 7 the 16 year old has her gcse this year so I’m trying not to disrupt that. I’m taking to a family solicitor on Wednesday.

He wants you and your 4 children to move out so he can have the house to himself??
And where exactly does he propose you and your 4 children live??

op, he’s being insane.

Do.Not.Move.Out!

You and the children have far more rights to stay there, the resident parent (which is almost always the mum) gets to stay in the home if it goes to court. I can’t think of a single instance where the courts have decided mum and kids have to leave

Yes so he can sell the house in five years as he can’t afford to move out. I can’t afford to put a roof over their head unless I sell the house to put a deposit on a new house….i think he’s being unreasonable and not thinking about our kids just himself….im trying to be amicable but my patience is wearing thin…

i just can’t see no way of going forward unless i file for divorce..the kids are legally allowed to stay there until they are 18 I do believe. So I’ve been told anyway

Somewhere near their schools so they have access to our current home.

I think because I told him I didn’t love him anymore he’s angry and just asking me to move out with the kids as it’s me who’s ruined our family unit. We’ve been together for 25 years but this is not same person I married. He’s just thinking of himself

If you are both on the mortgage, and you are the one ending it, I don't think you can make him leave.
At least not without going through the divorce

Are you able to carry the mortgage/household costs if he does leave

He’s being absolutely ridiculous. See a lawyer for proper advice asap. I wouldn’t bother discussing it with him.

I can’t make him leave, I’ve suggested many alternatives…to make the situation bearable…I’ve been sleeping on the sofa for nearly 4 months turned my dining room into a bedroom to try and cope with the sleeping arrangements as he demanded I still sleep in the marital bed which I didn’t want to do. I know I’ve ended it but him suggesting I move out with our kids is unreasonable and unfair to the our kids….divorce is the only I can see going forward.

He needs to go.

Definitely legal advice here. Your children have priority in the family home, I believe.

He sounds as if he’s throwing everything at you to make your life difficult, as a means of punishment.

Divorce comes next..primarily, this is the first step of establishing consistency and emotional safety for the children.

good luck OP

He’s dreaming.

I’m not going to discuss it 18months I’ve felt like this worst thing I did was be honest I’ve tried to amicable for the sake of our kids but it hasn’t worked the last 6 months have been horrendous since I told him and it’s not getting any easier we bearly talk which is not healthy for the kids to see. I’m seeing a family solicitor on Wednesday to see what my options are.

Yes I be able to carry it Ive got a good job and can afford too.

Also someone has told me that if I leave the family home and if I haven’t contributed to the house in five years I’m entitled to nothing from the house not sure how correct that is??

Neither of you has to leave the family home at this point, although suggestions you would lose equity if you moved out is nonsense. Divorce process will take a year or two to settle if you can't agree.

Settlement whereby primary carer is allowed to stay in the FMH until youngest is 18 is somewhat archaic nowadays except in big money cases and its continued existence is largely a myth perpetuated by people who are not regularly involved in divorces. Most typical outcomes are either one person buying out the other or immediate sale of the home and split of equity.

You are getting alot of incorrect advice from so called ‘people’

there is no automatic right for either party nor children to remain until they are 18

the court will take every step to avoid a mesher if there is any other possible option that would be taken

if you moved out and didn’t contribute that would not waive your entitlement to the house- ( he might try to argue you get less share which may or not be upheld depending on other factors )

if both of you are named on mortgage then each of you are responsible for 100% under joint and several liability. If neither then pay the house would get repossessed

ultimately if he can’t pay the full mortgage and bills he can’t stay there

if by not selling the house you can’t house yourself then the point above is not relevant even if he could afford to remain

if you agree to allow him to remain then your share is simply deferred, you don’t have to pay the mortgage to retain it as he’d have sole occupancy and owe you occupational rent for sole use of you set and the fact your capital is tied up so you can’t invest elsewhere)

you need legal advice
you need to not move out
what a settlement will look like will depend on

what assets there are, including pensions and other savings as well as equity
what debts there are
what you each earn and could earn
what you each need

Start divorce proceedings ( your 16 yo likely to be 18 and therefore considered an adult soon!)

In the same(ish) position.

I’ve remained in the house with DC and taken over the bills. STBX pays half the mortgage (as he’s named on it)

He can afford to rent something as he’s a much higher earner but he’s chosen to live with GF until the house sells.

Your ex is under no obligation to move out unfortunately if he’s named on the mortgage. My ex’s solicitor was very clear on this but as he was having an affair, his GF didn’t want him living with me. And eventually I persuaded him to leave as my MH was in a dark place.

If you can persuade him to leave then great but otherwise you need to plan a way of living together until the house sells or one of you buys the other out.

it’s horrific and I feel for you x

Just to add, since a ruling in December, it has become much more clear that if a non-resident parent is paying half the mortgage, this should be deducted from any CMS figure that they are paying. Expecting both will likely result in disappointment.

Until you can get an appointment with a solicitor (which it seems you desperately need) have you clicked on the "Advice Now" link at the top of this page, underneath the "Divorce/Separation" heading? Lots of accurate advice there.

Tell him the kids need a home and they stay! If you are forced to move out he will have to look after them on his own. I can't believe you are even considering doing what he wants - you can't afford the rent on a place big enough for those kids. Outrageous!

Unlikely courts will say you and kids can live there until 18. Most likely will have to sell and each will get awarded a % of equity/all assets (including untaken pension).