Unsure how to proceed

[Wildflower1987]

Hi, looking for some advice really.

Separated from husband in summer 2023 after infidelity and lying discovered. He moved away to London, leaving me with initially full time responsibility of our young daughter.

He now sees her mostly every other weekend. However he drops this when he chooses. Is late to collect her on a Friday. Wants to drop her back on a Sunday early.

He is a very high earner, around £200k likely however as he is now currently contracting his HMRC assessment isn’t due until October 2025.

Child maintenance is based on his old PAYE salary, which is much lower than what he’s on now. That amount is £722. Which seems a lot I know compared to most but isn’t actually what he should be paying.

He currently rents with his gf. Just recently skipped out on his pre agreed post Christmas time with daughter to go on 10 day holiday abroad.

Meanwhile I’m left paying full mortgage of £1450 a month and all costs associated with daughter.

I earn well. £75k a year so I can manage.

He has offered a 60/40 split of house but I don’t think that’s fair given I’m housing our daughter majority of the time. My career is also affected by being a single parent. His is not as when he has a clash he can just say, I can’t do this weekend.

I don’t know whether to just agree to the value split of the house and move on so we don’t get caught up in long legal proceedings that frankly he can afford much more than me. I just want to divorce him as soon as possible but the finances is causing a block.

Any advice? I feel like my mental health and time has its own value that I wonder whether is more precious than actual £££.

The fact you have daughter won’t really impact asset split - that would come into cms calcs

re perusing more vs accepting offer that will depend entirely on the assets available ( pensions?), needs and the gap in offer. Eg you say don’t agree 60:40 ( which is probably near where you’ll land ) vs what you think you should get ( and if there is a legal basis to this) is what ? If that’s eg 10l then you’ll waste all of that in fees to persue. If it’s 100k might be worth it. However if it’s 100k because you think you should get 90% then again there’s no real likelihood to that so wouldn’t waste money chasing.

what’s your proposal?

60:40 is probably fair and then the correct CMS - might need court valuation if over the cms max rate ….

I was told by my divorce solicitor that if it’s not a 50/50 split then the Court can refuse it. It may depend on circumstances though.

I would get at least some advice first from a family solicitor (they often give a free initial consultation). Wikivorce is a good source of information.

You can also use a Mediator in conjunction with a solicitor to keep costs down.

You need to at least get to Form E (list of all assets - bank account balances (joint and solo), income, expenses, value of assets (houses/cars) and pension values for both of you).

My ex earned a lot more than me and he tried the ‘here’s my offer, it’s really fair, let’s not waste money on solicitors’, what he meant ‘it’s my money and I’m going to keep most of it’ - please don’t believe he is acting in your interests in any way. He has shown you already in his behaviour regarding your DD that he only cares about himself.

Look at it this way - you can’t afford not to have a solicitor. It’s very possible that the extra you will get will more than cover your costs.

If it doesn’t feel fair - it probably isn’t. But at least get some advice before you make any decision. Your husband is the last person who will be telling you the truth.

i have just finished divorcing and this was my experience.

What split has he offered of his pension, any shares/stockholdings/savings/car(s)/other property?

You cannot look at just the house as the only factor, everything of financial worth needs to go into the pot.

Someone earning £200k is likely to be putting tens of thousands into a pension each year for the tax gains, so their pension could be worth £500k and the house may "only" have £200k equity.

In which case (& assuming there are no other assets) the pot is £700k and you should be getting £350k minimum. You may wish to split that as the £200k equity (so you get 100% of what's in the house) and £150k from pension.

There are a lot of variables, especially with high earning/net worth individuals.

You need to both list all your assets and debts (with recent bank statements and pension evaluations etc) and work it out from there.