Should I push for divorce

[Southernmasterspride]

I separated from my ex husband two years ago. He was violent, didn’t contribute financially, drugs, alcohol etc.

he moved in with me, but never put him on mortgage. I have since sold that house and moved to another with our two children.

we have an amicable relationship, but he doesn’t look after the children, just visits them at my house.

i have worked hard all my life, good pension, some equity in the house. He has absolutely nothing to his name as he spends it on drugs and alcohol each week to the point he can’t afford lunch by mid week.

i want to get the divorce so it’s official, however I begrudge paying him a penny due to never contributing anything and getting me into debt with never paying anything towards the house.

as I know he can’t afford to start the divorce and insist on the financial order - do I just stay separated or do I just start the divorce and basically make peace with the fact I will have to pay him out?

Start the divorce and accept you will have to pay him. It's going to happen at some point so do you pay him a smaller amount now or half your house, pension and savings just before you retire (as that would maximise his share).

I am perplexed that you allow a violent drug user into your house to visit the children though. Are you still frightened of him? Divorce might also help with these boundaries too as it forms three parts, the legal paperwork, finances and children. Mediation might help smooth the process as you will have a third party witnessing it all.

You’re going to have to pay him at some point. The longer it is left the more he’ll have a claim, best to do it now and try to negotiate the smallest settlement you can

There are risks associated with your current position. Because you are married you are free to leave your estate to your children. There will always be a risk he will challenge their entitlement. The last thing they need is to try to sort that out. Like others have said he can at any time push for his share. He might be forced or influenced to do that.

Marriage comes with benefits and risks. The benefits are well rehearsed on here, you get a share of financial assets whether you input was financial or being a SAHP. The risk is that you have to share financial gain whether your spouse contributes fuck all or everything.

A judge will apply as much discretion as they can in the circumstances you describe but he can’t change the law or the fact you married this man.

Statistically he is more likely to die before you do. But that is a probability not an assurance.