Really need some advice - Divorce - 3 year old

[Justeff07]

Hi Everyone,
My husband recently filed for divorce , he also recently changed his mind but now I want the divorce and will never go back.
I have a solicitor , a very expensive one that I will use when I need to but in the meantime I just need some clarity , shared experiences , ideas, anything coming from people who have been in my situation.
The situation is as follows;

• i still live with my husband , he will not move out
• we own the home 50/50, I paid the deposit and we signed a deed of trust stating this but I believe that marital law trumps deeds of trust
• he wants 50% of the house
• he wants 50% custody (our son living in two separate homes during the week is not ok with me)
• he wants me to sell our house
• He has no pension, no other assets
• i was the breadwinner
• I am also the full time care giver of our son

what are my actual rights? Are women still favoured by judges for parenting ? Who knows in this woke era, really I have no clue … can anyone help?

He will be entitled to 50% of the house and 50/50 care as a starting point, you should get your deposit contribution back separately unless there is a reason not to (eg he has contributed more to even it up; not likely if you're the breadwinner) and the care would also be determined on the facts if you can't agree but you'd need good reasons why it shouldn't be 50/50 and saying you don't want dc to be between houses won't have any impact. Depending on age dc's opinion may carry weight.

Thank you for this …..
My son is 3 years old and pretty much since the day he was born I’ve done every bed time, bath time and dinner time. In the interest of continuity I think it would be unfair on our child to suddenly uproot his life so his father can provide 50/50 care , which he has never done before. It just seems very odd :(

PP is right. Although your deed of trust cannot be enforced if there is not enough to split. It's a case of needs (not wants). Ie he'll need a two bedroom property to look after you son (as well as you) and if there's not enough in the matrimonial pot then your DoT will get eaten into.

Put everything into the assets pot of house, pensions, savings, investments, expensive hobby items like bikes or cameras or speedboats. Also value of cars/bikes, then approximately split it 50/50.

You need to buy him out, he buys you out or you sell the house. You are both entitled to live in it until it's sold so get that started asap even if it's decluttering and finishing off odd jobs.

Start the process of filling in Form E, downloaded off gov.uk. It's a long document but most won't be applicable to you. You need to fill in one each and then exchange.

Mediation is cheaper than getting solicitors involved so perhaps try that route first.

EDIT - If you are in England or Wales it is now a no fault divorce however there is a 20 week cooling off period once you start the application. That's FIVE MONTHS of nothingness so apply tomorrow on gov.uk for £600.

He'll be asking for 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance, i suspect, lets see if that lasts. Tell him to start while he's still in the family home, and stay in a hotel for a night!!

Anything can be agreed via mediation, as its less about rights than mutual agreement. Decide your priorities & get ready to negotiate.

You do t carry any higher rights as a mother. If he can demonstrate he can do 50:50 child care that is likely to be given and it should be

that’s not woke, that called equal parenting and your child’s right to relationship with both parents!

revthe assets all goes in the pot. The deed can be overturned if 50:50 not enough to provide needs- if he earns less he’ll have a higher claim. Even if 50:50 child arrangements not given his housing needs are the sane as yours - suitable to accommodate him and child

what assets are there and what are your incomes

@raysan pwrhaos op only wants her child more to get maintenance then ….

OP said she is the breadwinner.

@Justeff07 I know you don't want shared care and presumably because you have done everything you suspect your STBXH will not provide a good level of care but I would urge you to reconsider.

If your ex does step up this could lead to a strong relationship between him and his son. Some men step up to parenting outside a marriage in a way they wouldn't otherwise. A successful 50/50 would be a much less stressful life for you as you will have time to further develop your career, have a hobby or simply have time to rest. Being a single parent takes a massive toll on a person and although you are putting your son first please don't underestimate how much it can affect your mental and physical well-being.

If he doesn't step up and you find he is reneging on the 50/50 which is another possibility you can then seek a CAO amendment from the courts. Some men claim to want 50/50 but have no idea of the reality. He would be responsible for providing all childcare on his time which for a 3 year old would probably cost a lot more than child maintenance otherwise payable.

As to finances I know it stings but the sooner you extricate yourself from the marriage the sooner you can start building up your own assets post divorce. Consider it an expensive mistake which has at least given you the gift of your son.

I know that

but this statement that men only want 50:50 to avoid cms is nonsense. Some do, just as some mothers want to prevent it so they get maintenance

You need to speak to your solicitor. No one on here can replicate the advice and expertise they can give you. They will know the local judges etc and what there views are on contact, residence etc