Divorcing with an Adult Child with ADHD

[ADG0]

My wife and I are planning to divorce after 25 years of marriage. We have a 19-year-old child with ADHD who’s currently at university and still living with us. Throughout our entire marriage, my wife hasn’t worked, and now she’s demanding 75% of our assets, including the 75% of house (which I’ve fully paid off) and my savings. I’d prefer to split everything 50/50, but she’s threatening to push for more, claiming it’s because of our child’s condition. Based on people’s experiences here, how does this usually work in practice? I’d like to get a realistic idea before we proceed with solicitors. Thanks!

The 19 year old is highly unlikely to be considered a dependent.
Have they been proven to be unable to live independently?

Will depend on the overall assets and whether 50% is enough to provide for needs eg if your wife can be housed mortgage free etc . If not she’s got a good chance of higher share of assets, presumably you can get a mortgage while she’ll struggle to

the 19 year old is a red herring - as she’s at uni she’ll be considered an Adult and independent / if she’s at uni then she can live an independent life and doesn’t need significant care all her adult life I’m presuming

75% seems high and courts will aim as near to 50% as possible but you have to recognise that there is a case here to deviate if your wife hasn’t worked for 25 years!

what is she going to do for income now ?

what do you earn ?

Oh and they’re not your savings. They are joint savings which are hers as much as yours, as his the house and pension

If your child is studying at a local University, whilst living at home, then they can clearly manage daily life, even if a little help is required. They aren't housebound, and don't require around the clock care for the rest of their life. There is no reason, if your wife is fit and healthy, why she now can't work, even part-time. I would imagine your child, wouldn't be classed as a dependent. In all honesty, you need to seek legal advice. Remember that the house, savings, pension aren't just 'yours', but rather joint assets, that your wife is entitled to a share. I think 75% is steep but I'm not a solicitor.

'I'd prefer to split 50:50'

Well that's not fair is it, when you have the higher earning capacity.

'Which I've fully paid off'

Well, no. Since she was at home taking solo care of your child with ADHD, which is not easy, your earnings have been family money. So 'which we've fully paid off.'

This.

If your adult child is high functioning enough to be at university it’s highly unlikely they’ll be considered a dependent.

50/50 split for my XH and l. Everything taken into consideration i.e both pensions, both savings, earning capacity and house equity.

2 DC under 18yrs - eldest with ASD.

We had a clean break divorce so neither can come after the other for more money in the future.

DC are now 17 and 21yrs. Still receiving maintenance for both DS as it was written in the Court Order that he would pay if DS1 wasn't financially independent.

50:50 may be fair and appropriate
it will depend on assets available and needs

but it may not

op ex will be expected to work but after not done so for 25 years will be significantly disadvantaged here

Does your wife have health reasons for not working prior to having your child?

@ADG0 Whereabouts are you based, as legislation differs in Scotland.

We have been married a similar time-it wasn't usual for people to give up work in 2000 when they got married! Why did your wife not work until she had a child 6 years later (unless you have older kids?). Were there health reasons?

Is she looking to work full time now?