Financial order via court

[Bubbles2104]

Hello,

I'm just looking for advice and for people to share there stories with me on the outcome of your divorce.

I was with my soon to be ex for 24year, married for 17 of those. We have 2 children together 16 & 9.
He filed for divorce 2 weeks after leaving and moved straight in with his affair partner, since then I have had to constantly push to get a financial order and clean break in place, sadly he is not playing ball we are about to enter mediation again but sadly I fear this is heading to court.

He earns 65k pa and has the ability to earn cash through private work(obviously I can’t prove this), he also has now been fully living with someone for 9months who earns equal to him so his cost of living is shared.
I earn 15k pa and he pays me £720 per month as per the CSA calculation.
we currently pay half the mortgage each which is £750 pm each but I then cover all other costs relating to household bills, kids clubs, food etc etc

First he wanted me to sell the house at a 50/50 split yet only having the children every-other weekend, to put that into perspective he has actally only managed to keep the for 16 overnight stays in a whole year.

He then decided I could stay in the house until the youngest was 18 and then we would sell at a 50/50 split.

I have a solicitor who is very good and doesn’t sugar coat anything.

my offer to him is we sell the house now, I’ll retain all the equity take out a small mortgage of my own and buy a smaller house then once the youngest is 18 either sell again to pay him off or hopefully be able to buy him out once I built myself a career.
What this does is release him from the mortgage with me saving him £750 pm that he could put into his own property, all the time he stays on the mortgage with me he won’t be able to buy so I see this as a good option for him.
However in looking for a 60/40 at the end which he doesn’t like.

he will not budge from me staying in our current house but reality is
A. I actally can’t afford to stay here on the money i have, it’s very tight at the end of the month.
B. It’s a 4 bed semi so quite big for me to upkeep on my own
C. He cannot get a mortgage of his own while sharing one with me
D. I want a fresh start.

If I could release all the money to him now I would but I can’t, he has left me with 2 children on a low income with very little help from him in terms of childcare.
I am retraining in my job but will be approx 2 years before I’m on an ok wage.

my solictor is confident I will get what I’m asking for but my main goal is to sell the house and release him from a shared mortgage.

has anyone been through similar who would be happy to share there story with me and the end out come.

thank you x

Does he have a pension too? Make sure that’s included in the pot

re the house alone assuming that’s the only asset I think you’d get higher share tbh, push for sale now with 70/30 split. A judge will agree the house will be sold and you have a very strong case for material
deviation from 50:50 especially as he is now suitably housed

Hi

He's doesn't have a good pension that's worth including.
I'm just looking for what I need to support the children, my solicitor does think I'll get more in court to but I'd happily settle to sell now to release him from the mortgage and do a 60/40 split down the line.
I think I'm being fair and am trying to give him some kind of money back now, over the 9years until the youngest is 18 that's 80k he can put into another property.
I guess I'm just panicking about going to court as it's lengthy and costly and draining and I feel unnecessary.

I got an 80/20 split. He wouldn’t negotiate an 40/60 split in his favour. Court will give you more - just take your solicitor to get rolling and apply to court as he isn’t being reasonable and yes go for his pension.

I’m going through the financial remedy now and it’s a lot. Me n our son sharing a bed at my moms as he won’t leave the fmh, (there are another 2 houses in the pot too) have been like this for 12 months now and it’s terrible. Sending you best wishes x

Oh it's awful is it. I don't know your situation but my ex walked away he wanted a new life with somebody else and I'm trying to get on but he's making it so difficult, I feel like it's his last bit of control he doesn't want to give up. It's very sad.
Wishing you luck and sending you strength, I'm sure we will both come out the other side eventually x

It is awful and it is control x x hoping you get the best outcome x

the killer questions for you are

Why is your income so low. With benefits it would be a lot higher than 15k pa. Why are you reliant on a mesher order for 9 years. You could improve your income now. Why can’t a clean break happen now even if he gets less of a share.

Going to court has risks that a judge will expect you to do more to become completely independent. In 2 years time your eldest will be an adult and your youngest will be in secondary school. You should take the opportunity to build your financial future asap. Get a better job and pay into a pension.

It could be a worse outcome for both of you in court.

He could start paying into a pension and that along with creeping tax thresholds could mean his net income comes close to your net income once benefits are taken into account. By the time you get to court the 16 year old will be 18. You will be expected for maximise your income. Etc etc.

You can force the sale of the house if necessary.

He can't insist you stay.

What you can't do is force him to accept your offer of no payout on the equity until later.

Courts favour clean breaks and there doesn't seem to be an obvious reason to delay the asset split for so many years, especially if you are looking towards selling it anyway.

What's the pension situation? Can you offer equity for pension swop?

Oh I am in the exact same situation and came on here to write my own thread, and found yours.

I empathise so much. It’s so stressful deciding what to do and which way to turn. If only we had a crystal ball.

I don’t know whether to go for lump sum or monthly payments. Been married 26 years.

I want a clean break. I think this would benefit you too as you are then free from his control and opinion on your life.

good luck OP